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vegetable productions with spirit; but she has so combined it with other substances, that unless her work be tortured by fire, the spirit is not separated, and cannot prove pernicious. Why should this force be put on nature, to make her yield a noxious draught, when all her original preparations are salutary?
15. The juice of the apple, the fermentation of barley, and the decoction of spruce, are amply sufficient for the refreshment of man, let his labour be ever so severe, and his perspiration ever so expensive. Our forefathers, for many years after the settlement of the country, knew not the use of distilled spirits.
16. Malt was imported from England, and wine from the Western or Canary Islands, with which they were refreshed, before their own fields and orchards yielded them a supply. An expedition was once undertaken against a nation of Indians, when there was but one pint of strong water (as it was shen called) in the whole army, and that was reserved for the sick; yet no complaint was made for want of refresh
17. Could we but return to the primitive manners of our ancestors, in this respect, we should be free from many of the disorders, both of body and mind, which are now experienced. The disuse of ardent spirits would also tend to abolish the infamous traffick in slaves, by whose labour this baneful material is procured.
18. Divine Providence seems to be preparing the way for the destruction of that detestable commerce. The insurrections of the blacks in the West-Indies have already spread desolation over the most fertile plantations, and greatly rais ed the price of those commodities which we have been used to import from thence.
19. If we could check the consumption of distilled spirits, and enter with vigour into the manufacture of maple sugars, of which our forests would afford an ample supply, the demand for West-India productions might be diminished, the plantations in the Islands would not need fresh recruits from Africa; the planters would treat with humanity their remaining blacks; the market for slaves would become less inviting; and the navigation which is now employed in the
most pernicious species of commerce which ever disgraced humanity, would be turned into some other channel.
20. Were I to form a picture of happy society, it would be a town consisting of a due mixture of hills, valleys, and streams of water. The land well fenced and cultivated; the roads and bridges in good repair; a decent inn, for the re freshment of travellers, and for publick entertainments. The inhabitants mostly husbandmen; their wives and daughters domestick manufacturers; a suitable proportion of handi craft workmen, and two or three traders; a physician and Tawyer, each of whom should have a farm for his support.
21. A clergyman, of good understanding, of a candid disposition and exemplary morals; not a metaphysical, nor a polemick, but a serious and practical preacher. A school master, who should understand his business, and teach his pupils to govern themselves. A social library, annually increasing, and under good regulation.
22. A club of sensible men, seeking mutual improve ment. A decent musical society. No intriguing politician, horse jockey, gambler or sot; but all such characters treated with contempt. Such a situation may be considered as the most favourable to social happiness of any which this world can afford.
QUACKERY. A DIALOGUE.
YOUR humble servant, sir, walk in sir, sit
Volatile. down, sir, (bringing a chair.) My master will wait on you in a moment, Sir, he's busy despatching some patients, Sir. I'll tell him you are here, sir. Be back in a twinkling, sir. Sinclair. No, no, I will wait till he has done, I wish to consult him about
Vol. Right, sir, you could not have applied to a more able physician. My master is a man that understands physick as fundamentally as I do my mother tongue, sir.
Sin. He appears to have an able advocate in you.
Vol. I do not say this, sir, because he is my master; but 'tis really a pleasure to be his patient, and I should rather die by his medicines, than be cured by those of any
other; for whatever happens, a man may be certain that he has been regularly treated; and should he die under the operation, his heirs would have nothing to reproach him for.
Sin. That's a mighty comfort to a dead man.
Vol. To be sure, sir; who would not wish to die methodically? Besides, he's not one of those doctors who husband the disease of their patients. He loves to despatch business, and if they are to die, he lends them a helping hand.
Sin. There's nothing like despatch in business.
Vol. That's true, sir. What is the use of so much hemming and hawing, and beating round the bush? I like to know the long and short of a distemper at once.
Sin. Right, undoubtedly.
Vol. Right! Why there were three of my children, whose illness he did ine the honour to take care of, who all died in less than four days, when in another's hands they would have languished three months.
Vol. Sir, this gentleman is desirous of consultingDr. I perceive it, sir; he is a dying man. Do you eat well, sir?
Sin. Eat! yes, sir, perfectly well.
Dr. Bad, very bad; the epigastrick region must be shockingly disordered. How do you drink, sir?
Sin. Nobody drinks beer, sir. Dr. So much the worse. The great appetition of frigid and humid, is an indication of the great heat and aridity within. Do you sleep soundly?
Sin. Yes, when I've supped heartily.
Dr. This indicates a dreadful torpidity of the system; and, sir, I pronounce you a dead man. After considering the diagnostick and prognostick systems, I pronounce you attacked, affected, possessed and disordered by that species of mania termed Hypochondria.
Vol. Undoubtedly, sir. My master never mistakes, sir. Dr. But for an incontestible diagnostick you may perceive his distempered ratiocination, and other pathognomiek symptoms of this disorder.
Vol. What will you order him, Sir?
Dr. First, a dozen purges.
Vol. But should these have no effect?
Dr. We shall then know the disease does not proceed from the humours.
Vol. What shall we try next, sir?
Dr. Bleeding, ten or fifteen times, twice a day. Vol. If he grow worse and worse, what then? Dr. It will prove the disease is not in his blood. Vol. What application would you then recommend? Dr. My infallible sudorifick. Sweat him off five pounds a day, and his case cannot long remain doubtful.
Vol. I congratulate the gentleman upon falling into your hands, sir. He must consider himself happy in having his senses disordered, that he may experience the efficacy and gentleness of the remedies you have proposed.
Sin. What does all this mean, gentlemen? I do not understand your gibberish and nonsense.
Dr. Such injúrious language is a diagnostick we wanted to confirm our opinion of his distemper.
Sin. Are you crazy, gentlemen? (Spits in his hand and raises his cane.)
Dr. Another diagnostick, frequent sputation.
Sin. You had better be done, and make off.
Dr. Another diagnostick! Anxiety to change place.We will fix you, sir. Your disease
Sin. I have no disease, sir.
Dr. A bad symptom, when patient is insensible of his
Sin. I am well, sir, I assure you.
Dr. We know best how that is, sir. We physicians see through your constitution at once.
Sin. You are then a physician, sir?
Vol. Yes sir, this is my master, sir, the celebrated Dr, Pumpwater, sir, the enemy of human diseases, sir.
Sin. Who has travelled over the country?
Dr. The same, sir.
Sin. I am happy to hear it, gentlemen. I have long been in search of you, and have a warrant for your apprehension, on an indictinent for vagrancy. A lucky mistake has enabled me to become a useful witness. You will please to follow your patient to the workhouse.
OF THE ELEPHANT.
THE size of this animal, its strength and
sagacity, have rendered it in all ages the admiration of mankind. The height of the largest varies from ten to fourteen feet, and the length is about sixteen, from the front to the origin of the tail. In proportion to the size of the elephant, his eyes are very small, but they are lively, brilliant, and very expressive.
2. The mouth appears behind the trunk, which latter hangs between the two large tusks, which are the principal weapons of defence. The feet are short, clumsy, and divided into five hoofs or toes. But the most singular organ is the trunk, which is at once the instrument of respiration, and the limb by which the animal supplies itself with food.
3. This trunk is hollow, like a tube, and with it he can suck up the smallest objects at pleasure, and convey them into his mouth. When he drinks, he thrusts his trunk into the water, and fills it by drawing in his breath. When the trunk is thus filled with water, he can either blow it out to a great distance, or drink it, by putting the end of the trunk into his mouth.
4. Few elephants have ever been brought to America; but one which was exhibited in 1817, was upwards of ten feet in height. The docility of this powerful animal was astonishing. He not only obeyed his keeper, but would suffer himself to be beaten and abused by him. He was also particularly attached to a small dog, and appeared ex tremely uneasy when the spectators caused the little animal to send forth cries of pain.
5. He would lie down at the command of his keeper, and suffer several of the spectators to stand upon his side, while extended in this position. He also attempted to dance, but his dancing only consisted in slowly raising one of his enormous feet at a time, although this was done with considerable regularity.
6. His other feats were lifting men with his trunk, drawing corks from bottles, emptying the contents into his