For my own part, I think the "free" manner was too hastily laid aside. Caution did something while the bloom of novelty was upon it; but in the long run there is nothing like trust ing to the natural principal; and the hope of huge gain is the true key to the heart of a shopkeeper. Whatever style, however, you a dopt, half the battle lies in a proper introduction of the affair. Never run headlong-open-mouthed, at a tradesman with your proposal;-but keep your design behind you, as a toothdrawer does his wrenching iron,-and let the same roar from your patient announce the developement of your intent and its completion. Look carefully to the ushering in of the transaction. To use the name of an acquaintance by way of passport would be dishonourable; būt, if you can manage to call in the company of a friend, it may do well. You can then be seized with a fancy for the "d-d fellow's cut." He may try" just one coat;" and, "if it hits, 66 you'll do something more for him." Give your order, if possible, in the presence of your acquaintance; because that, in fact, makes him bail by implication; and yet he can't, though he sees his danger, for decency's sake, interfere. Above all, take care that the whole appears to arise out of the whim of the moment. Seem to be well served already, but capricious. Lead the creature gently, and he'll follow like a lamb. And be cautious always to take your measures, or rather to have them taken-in good time; and as you hope for credit, don't go in an old coat to give orders for a new one. And what a field does this practice throw open for bold and dexterous manœuvre! Talk of Talavera, Salamanca, or Waterloo? I saw a display of gladiatorship not six weeks ago, between a friend of mine (a half-pay captain) and a tailor in Covent-Garden, such as Agincourt nor Pharsalia ever beheld the like of. He of the needle, to do him justice, was as very a devil as ever sat cross-legged. He had been twenty years in business; dealing with all customers; taking the measures of all kinds of men; he was a member of seven societies for the prosecution of swindlers; a list of insolvents hung behind his counter; it was a bailiff's brother who managed his books; and his eld est son was clerk to an attorney! My friend opened the ball by paying an arrear of twenty guineas, meaning to give it" the schneider, (as the phrase is) at least, for a hundred; and the set-to was the sweetest thing I ever beheld in my life! All the high ground was on the enemy's side. The slightest symptom of purpose,-the smallest shew of eagerness-anything like a hasty offer, or promise too good to be kept, would have ruined us. But, as good as the tailor was, it was nine to one against him from the beginning. The captain was over him length and science every way. He gave his large order with detail and precision; stood the hint that followed as to "what credit ?" without changing colour.-The victim doubted. His head was in Chancery."Probable profit;"-" possible loss!" -At length it came to "last cards" on both sides. The Schneider was forced to speak first. "Will you give me a bill for the whole at three months?" he asked-It was well played for the king; but we had the ace behind." I can't do it on a certainty at three months," replied my friend; "but you shall have your bill at six." -He bit. Upon the general management of creditors, my first direction is-see all your duns. When you have made up your mind to pay nothing, what possible risk can you incur? There is good authority upon the books for receiving such dependants as these at breakfast. Take especial care always to keep about you that cheap corner-stone of credit a handsome, nay, an expensive appearance in trifles. Loll upon a rich sofa-though unpaid for, 'tis no matter. Wear a magnifi cent dressing-gown-it shall strike awe into the very artist that made it. See that you have a sufficiently expensive tea equipage upon your table; with show of flowers, perfumes, and such perishable commodities as mark the habitual carelessness of money, if not its habitual abundance. For your manner, let it be easy; yet never so free but that you can be offended on the sudden if you happen to find it convenient. If the enemy is civil, talk of disappointments, low prices, no rents, agricultural distress; these are good topics now. Property in Ireland may always come in well. Whiteboys, Shanavats, outrages, and Captain Rock. You may burn crops of wheat, if you like, on the bog of Allan; or even have three acres of land and a windmill all carried off your estate in one night! On the other hand, never suffer yourself to be disturbed by an insolent or pertinacious demand. Remember on such occasions that the power is in you. If a fellow is troublesome, tell him plump that " he shall wait three months for his impertinence"-meantime, " you withdraw your custom from him altogether"-and, if he plagues you a moment longer, " you shall be compelled to kick him down stairs."-Indeed I have known that course taken in the first instance with very admirable effect. Then, as a rule which deserves to be written in the Fives Court and at Tattersall's, I say-Do things (I say) upon an extensive scale. I will not talk about the proverb of the Sheep and the Lamb, because there is something of an unlucky turn about the first half line of it; but, depend upon it, it is more creditable to owe for claret than for port; besides that the former is the more pleasant and gentlemanly drinking. Tradesmen have, from some instinct in their nature, a predilection, nay, a kind of veneration, for anything that leads to a long bill. I am not sure that a shopkeeper could refuse a 5001. order, even although he were certain that he should never get a shilling of the money. I am clear that he would like a man better for owing him 500l., than for paying him 2501. And as regards arrangements (after the ceremony) with sufferers in esse, the mere circumstance of having issued a command to the amount of a thousand pounds, gives you such a hold upon a tradesman's weakness and bonhommie! He remembers the lordly air with which the order was given. The profits which have accrued-no, which are to accrue, when the money is paid. And he hopes that it will be paid. He thinks it must." Not now, Francis; but to-morrow; or on Friday, Francis." A man never sure can have ordered for five hundred pounds, and have no means at all!-I shall have infinite to say, in my to-beesteemed work, on behalf of an order to the extent of Five hundred pounds. But I am running this sketch to an impracticable length; and must pass, therefore, in silence, over a variety of important topics. My book will be printed in a neat octavo volume, with copious index, references, and notes, after the manner of our law digests, along with which, indeed, it will take its place. For example, looking to the article of TAILOR in the index, the reader will find the following instructions:-"TAILOR; from the French, Tailler, to shape or cut. TAILORS, flourished first in Germany, p. 138; pilloried for cabbaging, pp. 42 and 165; men in law, p. 273; have a hell of their own, p. 364; ruined by giving credit, pp. 4, 13, 27, 30, 92, 101, 253; paid, p. 16; humorously cajoled, p. 196; tossed in a blanket, p. 222; felony to kill, p. 391.-TAILOR (Tailleur), see Sufferer; Schneider; Goose; Brentford, &c. &c. &c. A total change in the condition— a reorganization, indeed-of society must arise, or I am mistaken, from the publication of this work I contemplate. To simplify and extend the means of getting credit, is, in effect, to open a new mine of subsistence to the community. It is not to our home policy alone that the operation of my principle will extend; thousands upon thousands from our superabundant home population shall go forth, not to starve in the back woods of America, but to live upon the fat of the land in the choicest countries of Europe. Then, considering that the man who once pays for my book will be relieved, as long as he lives, from the necessity of paying for anything else, I cannot doubt of an unprecedented sale. Thirty English editions at least, and translations out of number; some token of the national gratitude-it can't be less than 20,000l.; these, in a confined view of the matter, are pro fits which I may reckon upon. I look that, Mr Editor, your numerous contributors (more than any set of men perhaps interested in this new prospect thrown open), will send you at least an article a-piece upon the occasion. For myself, I can accept nothing beyond approbation from my fellow-craft; but, if "a particular ballad," in the pages of Blackwood's Magazine, should commend the true alchemist of the year 1823, who abandoned the hopeless task of making gold, and pursued the true secret of philosophy-that of doing without itsuch a tribute might perhaps ease the grateful hearts of those who offered it; and (in that view) would not be unacceptable to PIERRE PHILOSOPHE. The Pewter Quart. A New Song to an old Tune. Written and Composed for the Jollification of Bibbers of Beer, Porter, Ale, Stout, Nappy, And all other Configurations of Malt and Hop. Preface to the Reader, which serves also for Invocation. Poets there were, in ages back, Who sung the fame of the bonny Black Jack; Shall not E then lift my quill, To hymn a measure brighter still? Maidens, who Helicon's hill resort, Aid me to chaunt of the Pewter Quart. Folks with whom I never consort, Silver and gold no doubt are fine, With stingo stiff of the stiffest sort, Beakers and bowls, I am told, of wood, And shall never be counted art or part 8. Galvani one day, skinning a frog, Found out a science of wonderful wit, A DISSERTATION ON THE LEATHER BOTTLE AND THE BLACK JACK. In the works of the ingenious D'Urfey, which he who studies not with nocturnal and diurnal attention, is worthy of infinite reprobation, not to say worse, will be discovered two poems, which have not, as yet, excited the notice of the learned in the manner which they deserve. I shall therefore, as briefly as the importance of the matter will admit of, dissertate somewhat upon them; inviting the attention of the sage and erudite to my remarks; perfectly regardless of the approbation or disapprobation of those whom my friend, the Reverend Edward Irving, calls" the flush and flashy spirits of the age;" thereby making an agreeable and euphuistical alliteration at head and tail. In the third volume of "Pills to Purge Melancholy," the two hundred and forty-seventh page, and first verse, will be found these words:: The Leather Bottle. Now God above, that made all things, I wish in Heaven that soul may dwell A more splendid exordium is not in the whole compass of our poetry. The bard, about to sing of a noble invention, takes high ground. His eye, with a fine frenzy rolling, glances at the origin of the world, the glories of Heaven, and the utilities of earth; at old ocean murmuring with its innumerable waves, and the stately vessels walking the waters in all their magnificence; and then, by a gradual and easy descent, like Socrates bringing philosophy from the abodes of the gods to the dwellings of men, chaunts the merits of him who, for the use and praise of man, devised the Leathern Bottle. Compare Pindar's celebrated opening with this, and you will see how short is the flight of the Bootian muse, contrasted with that of our own swan. Observe, moreover, the solid British feeling of the illustrious poet. No sooner does he mention ships, than the national spirit breaks forth. The ships upon the seas to swim, To keep foes out, they come not in. Had the man who wrote this, one idea inconsistent with the honour and glory of Britain?—I lay a thousand pounds he had not. Had he lived in our days, he would have consigned the economists to the devil and the Scotsman. Conceive, for a moment, this great man, big with beer, and thoroughly impressed with veneration for our walls of wood, reading that article in the Edinburgh on the Navigation Laws. What an upcurled lip of indignation would he not display! How hearty would be his guffaw of contempt! How frequent his pulls at the vessel inserted in his dexter paw, in order to wash down the cobweb theories he was endeavouring to swallow! How impatiently would the pigtail turn under his nether-gum, until at last, losing patience, he would fling the Balaam over the bannisters, and exclaim, “Here, John, take it away from me, and put it in the only place where it can be at all for the use and praise of man." What place that is, it is not necessary for me to mention. Now, what do you say to the canns of wood ? And on the ground his liquor doth lay; And swears it, 'twas long of the wooden can ; But had it been in a leathern bottle, Although he stumbled, all had been well; So safe therein it would remain, Until the man got up again. And I wish in heaven, &c. The ambling pace of the verse cannot be sufficiently commended. Here we go on jog trot, as Sancho Panza on Dapple. Nothing stops the full gush of poetry poured out in a ceaseless, murmuring flow, like a brook rolling at the feet of two lovers by moonlight. Remark, too, the insight this verse gives us of the manners of the poet. His habits are completely anti-domestic; they have what King Leigh calls " all the freshness of out-of-doors life." He has no store at home. When he wants to drink, he sends for the quantity required. All the bother of butlers is done away with. The whole tribe of tapsters are his footmen, and the wide world his cellar. You perceive, too, the habit of his household: it is in a state of perpetually blissful intoxication. Nothing can be more a matter of course than that any messenger of his should stumble by |