66

66

therefore, thou shalt hear the word at my mouth, "and warn them from me. When I say unto the "wicked, O wicked man, thou shalt surely die: "if thou dost not speak to warn the wicked from "his way, that wicked man shall die in his iniquity, but his blood will I require at thine hand. Nevertheless, if thou warn the wicked of his way, to turn from it: if he do not turn from his way, he shall die in his iniquity; but thou hast "delivered thy soul." I was fully convinced, with Bishop Burnet, that every minister is as much concerned in this solemn warning, as the prophet himself was.-Acts xx. 17.-35, was another portion of scripture which, by means of this book, was brought home to my conscience; especially ver. 26, 27, 28, which serve as an illustration of the preceding scripture: "Wherefore I take you "to record this day that I am pure from the blood "of all men: for I have not shunned to declare "unto you all the counsel of God. Take heed, "therefore, unto yourselves, and to all the flock, "over which the Holy Ghost hath made you overseers, to feed the church of God which he hath purchased with his own blood."

In short, I was put upon the attentive and repeated perusal of the Epistles to Timothy and Titus, as containing the sum of a minister's duty in all ages. I searched out and carefully considered every text that I could find in the whole scripture which referred to this argument. I was greatly impressed by 1 Cor. ix. 16: "For neces"sity is laid upon me, yea, wo is me if I preach "not the gospel." Nor was I less struck with Coloss. iv. 17: "Say to Archippus, Take heed to

"the ministry which thou hast received in the "Lord, that thou fulfil it." This was brought to my conscience with power, as if the apostle had in person spoken the words to me. But especially I was both instructed and encouraged by meditating on 1 Peter v. 2-4: "Feed the flock "of God which is among you, taking the over

sight thereof, not by constraint, but willingly; "not for filthy lucre, but of a ready mind; nei"ther as being lords over God's heritage, but

being ensamples to the flock; and when the "chief Shepherd shall appear, ye shall receive a "crown of glory that fadeth not away.”

I hope the reader will excuse my prolixity in speaking on this subject, because in itself it is very important; and, though I obtained no new views of gospel-truth from The Pastoral Care, yet I received such a deep conviction of the difficulty and im portance of that work, in which I had thoughtlessly engaged, and of the imminent danger to which my soul would be exposed, should I neglect to devote myself wholly to it; as laid the foundation of all my subsequent conduct and change of sentiments. I was, indeed, guilty of very criminal procrastination, after I had been thus convinced; and, being engaged more than I ought in other matters, I for some time postponed and neglected complying with the dictates of my conscience. But I never lost sight of the instruction which I had received, nor ever enjoyed any comfortable reflection, till, having broken off all other engagements, I had given myself up to those studies and duties which pertain to the work of the ministry. And I have cause to bless God, that this book ever came in my way.

Still, however, my self-confidence was very little abated, and I had made no progress in acquiring the knowledge of the truth. I next read Tillotson's Sermons and Jortin's Works: and, my time being otherwise engaged, I for a while gave into the indolent custom of transcribing their discourses, with some alterations, to preach to my people. This precluded free meditation on the word of God, and led me to take up my opinions on trust. My preaching was in general that smooth palatable mixture of law and gospel, which corrupts both; by representing the gospel as a mitigated law, and as accepting sincere instead of perfect obedience. This system, by flattering pride and prejudice, and soothing the conscience, pleases the careless sinner and self-righteous formalist, but does real good to none; and is in fact a specious, fatal, but unsuspected, kind of antinomianism.

About this time I foolishly engaged in a course of diversion and visiting, more than I had done since my ordination: this unfitted me for secret prayer and close meditation, and rendered the scriptures, and other religious studies, insipid and irksome to me; a never-failing consequence of every vain compliance with the world. For a

season, therefore, my ardour was damped, my anxiety banished, and my enquiries retarded. I was not, however, permitted entirely to drop my religious pursuits generally I made it a rule to read something in the scriptures every day, and to perform a task of daily devotion; but in both I was very formal and lifeless.

Yet not long after I was engaged in earnest meditation on our Lord's discourse with Nicodemus: John iii. I felt an anxious desire to un

9

derstand this interesting portion of scripture ; especially to know what it was to be "born again," or" born of the Spirit," which in five verses our Saviour has three times declared absolutely necessary to salvation. I was convinced it was absurd to suppose, that such strong expressions implied no more than baptism with water. Tillotson's controversial sermons on this subject afforded me no satisfaction. Some great and total change I supposed to be intended, not only in the behaviour, but also in the heart. But not having clearly experienced that change, I could not understand in what it consisted. However, having offered some poor prayers for divine teaching, I undertook to preach upon it: but I talked very darkly; employed a considerable part of my time in declaiming against visionaries and enthusiasts; and reaped very little benefit from it. Yet I was so well satisfied with my performance, that, in the course of my correspondence with Mr. Newton, I sent him these sermons for his perusal: and he, in return, sent me some of his own upon the same subject. But, though sincerely desirous to understand our Lord's meaning in this important point, I was too proud to be taught by him. I cast my eye therefore carelessly over some of them, and then returned the manuscript, without closely attending to any thing contained in it.

Nothing material occurred after this, till the next spring, 1776: when I was induced, by what I had learned from Bishop Burnet, to establish a lecture once a week in one of my parishes, for expounding the scriptures. This brought many passages, which I had not before observed, under

my attentive, consideration; and afforded my reflecting mind abundance of employment, in attempting to reconcile them with each other, and with my scheme of doctrine.

Little progress however had been made, when in May 1776 I heard a dignified clergyman, in a visitation sermon, recommend Mr. Soame Jenyns's View of the internal evidence of the Christian Religion. In consequence of this recommendation I perused it, and not without profit. The truth and importance of the gospel-revelation appeared with convincing evidence to my understanding, and came with efficacy to my heart, by reading this book., I received from it more distinct heartaffecting views of the design of God in this revelation of himself, than I had before; and I was put upon much serious reflection, and earnest prayer to be led to, or established in, the truth, concerning the nature and reality of the atonement by the death of Christ: for hitherto I had been in this respect a Socinian, or very little better. But, to counterbalance this advantage, Dr. Clarke's Scripture Doctrine of the Trinity, and the controversy which ensued upon its publication, became a favourite part of my study. The Arian scheme is -so inconsistent with reason, that when reflecting men, in order to avoid those mysterious, and, as they imagine, unreasonable, conclusions, which, according to the true meaning of the words, the scriptures contain, have become Arians, it is wonderful they do not, for the same cause, embrace the Socinian system. This is the natural progress of unhumbled reason; from Arianism to Socinianism, from Socinianism to Deism, and thence to