for, if the philosopher of the Lake of Geneva, was correct, so far in his estimation, as formerly noticed, according to the imperfect notions of human duty he entertained, what must have been the conclusions I should have come to, who stood at once in the two-fold capacity of a debtor and the father of a family, and at the same time, professed to be governed by, that more perfect system of ethics, which prohibits suicide, and admits not, of a man proving the coward, and basely deserting his post, until legally summoned away by his Maker, on any account, or under any pretence whatever. But, still, there was something so very afflictive in the idea, that others should again suffer, as well as myself, through this new misfortune,—and that, at so LATE AN HOUR OF MY DAY, when I might have so little in my power to make them amends,—that I could not, with all my philosophy, aided by the efforts of christian resignation and fortitude,-help, for some time, sinking under the pressure of my calamity.

66

Alas! little did I think, when I first sat down to these Retrospections, that, at a time, when I had almost congratulated myself, with having, at last, got over them, and considered myself on the eve of entering, if I had not already entered, on a “ more successful period," than I had experienced for many years;-I should all on a sudden find myself, once more, driven back to the tumultuous ragings of a tempestuous hurricane,-all on a sudden, have my efforts frustrated-my hopes blasted, and all my fond anticipations, and pleasant prospects overwhelmed, and lost, in one confused mass of darkness and dismal obscurity,-in a moment. The extent of my calamity, at such an advanced period of my life, with the affecting considerations necessarily attending such a situation,—in a properly regulated mind,—will, I trust, prove the best excuse I can offer for my infirmity, in sinking under it,-and will, not be refused as my apologist, by HIM who knows the true extent of our sufferings, and our griefs, as well as the causes and the motives-from which those sufferings and sorrows proceed.

Well, I took the advice of my visionary monitor, and did call a meeting-call a meeting,-but not until I took a short time to consider, and deliberate on the matter-during which,

I found; it was the only alternative I could adopt. But it is a great consolation for me to think, that, if I felt so sore under the unhappy alternative to which I was reduced,—I had indications that others felt for me as well as my

soon many

self.

My circular was issued on the 22d of December, and before the end of the year, I had deeds of accession handed me, not only agreeing to what measures might be proposed, at the meeting which was intimated to be held on the 5th of January, but really written in such a kind and condoling strain, that, notwithstanding the suspense, I must necessarily have remained in, at the time the old year passed away, must have done much to console me,-and to make the year, so far, depart in peace.

One of these letters, dated the 30th Jan. from a young representative of an old firm, with whom, I had been long acquainted in the way of business, is so much to the purpose, that I cannot forbear copying the greater part of,-indeed, I may say the whole, with the exception of the signature, &c. and with that pleasant little December flower, conclude my present chapter.

"DEAR SIR-It is with much regret-we notice, that circumstances have again compelled you to stop payment.

"After a life of continued unwearied exertions-in honest industry-to such a mind as yours, it is a most severe blow :-the high opinion we have always had of your integrity, will induce us to concur in any arrangement you may propose, at the meeting, for the settlement of your affairs,

30th Dec. 1831.

"We remain, Dear Sir,

"Yours truly," &c.

CHAPTER XLV.—1832.

THREE FIRST days, in one.-Time, that cures many a wound, had not as yet, its desired effect on me-Mournful cogitations attending a melancholy contrast. Still, some grounds of consolation and incentives to gratitude.-Sundry affecting considerations.-Again, a stricken deer.-An aged tree nearly torn up by the root-A blasted and withered shrub of long standing at last falls before the blast.-A new claim to an old title.-Consolatory considerations, notwithstanding all these.-Melancholy Sunday, which ushered in an irksome and mournfully eventful week.-Meeting takes place.-Plain speaking statements,—Accompanying address-Short-comings, how again to be accounted for.-All our hard earned earnings again gone.-This, still not the greatest matter of regret.—Immediate acquiescence in the measure proposed, by the parties present -Deeds of accession soon come in from absentees.A few anxious days of suspense.-Hear at last from a kind friend.—A precious gem worth preserving-Timeous arrival to put me in spirits, and enable me to rise, as it were, to newness of life, on another Anniversary of my Birth.-Wonderful changes produced in a very short time.-How I was affected by the contents of my kind friend's friendly letter-Idea suggested by that letter.-Resolution in consequence.-A most appropriate motto, at the commencement of my work." MANY UPS AND DOWNS," indeed, in my eventful pilgrimage.

THE first Sunday of 1832, arrived in the threefold capacity of-the first day of the year,-the first day, of course, of the month,—and the first day of the week ;—but it was not the first Sunday, since my recent overwhelming misfortune broke upon me; for two Sundays had intervened since that time— sober enough, I dare say, although I have no note or recollection, of the circumstances attending them.

Indeed, it is very probable, that my thoughts would be so absorbed, in the sudden change that had befallen me, and the deplorable condition to which I had been so unexpectedly reduced, as to swallow up all other considerations, for the pre

sent.

The short time that had elapsed since the 17th, the day on which the fatal intelligence reached me, may, however, be supposed to have done something towards restoring me to composure, and bringing me somewhat to myself; and it must be confessed, that, in ordinary cases, the lapse of a few days sometimes, has a very wonderful effect.

But, alas! mine was not an ordinary case, and the wounds, which, in their green state, or when deadened, by the surprise, the suddenness of the event had occasioned, had now, the more I had had time to reflect, upon the unhappy circumstance, begun to fester, or to bleed afresh,—and the 1st of January found me far, very far indeed, from being in possession of a mind at ease, or, in that state of calm composure, in which, in midst of all my toils and discouragements, I was found-on that day twelvemonth.

The contrast, indeed, could not fail to affect me much, as the several circumstances which induced comparison would flit across my perturbed mind. THEN, might I not think— but one short year since-I stood high in hope-big with expectation-and, already, as it were, indulging in the joyful anticipation, of having now arrived, or being on the point of arriving, at that more successful period, so confidently predicted by my friend ;—Now, I was deep sunk in the slough of despondency,—if not of absolute despair!-my former expectations all passed away as a visionary representation—my fond anticipations dashed from my lips ere I had yet tasted them—and no friend now left, to cheer me up by his comfortable prognostications, and to assist me forward in the way promoting their fulfilment, by a continuance of his own kind offices-for I must do that friend the justice to remark, that, up to the last moment, these were not withheld to the utmost of his power;-nay, by some of his more recent communications, that long-tried friend seemed still to be disposed to serve me, when, alas! that power was gone.

of

THEN, I might again think, I had left the shop on the Saturday night, only solicitous about having my exhausted powers restored by the rest of the Sabbath, in order that I might return on the Monday morning, with renovated vigour, to the pleasing toils of the week :-Now, I might have thought, what restorative can administer to a mind diseased,— and a body so broken, and a constitution so shaken, as mine had now become—and that in the short space of a few days! —and what cordial, I might have farther thought, sufficiently strengthening, to fit me for the approaching conflict-with all the other arduous and irksome duties of the week!

THEN, I might have concluded, I had been borne up by the delusions of brightening prospects, never, ah never! to be realized and in the fond anticipation of, what turned out in the end, to have been deceitful joys, never to be come at: -Now, however, I saw through, in my unhappy experience, the delusions and deceptions, that HOPE, the last refuge of the wretched, had been practising upon me,—and which, might have made me afraid, to trust myself, to the suggestions of Hope for the future.

But, whatever I thought, or might have thought, in these respects, there were, nevertheless, some grounds of consolation, and motives for gratitude, which, in the solitude of that silent Sabbath, I trust, did not altogether escape me.

I was, indeed, again A STRICKEN DEER;- -an AGED TREE,

DREADFULLY SHAKEN, AND ALMOST TORN UP BY THE ROOTS ;—

or, rather, may I not say, at my time of life, and in allusion to the humble sphere I had been accustomed to move in, in society—A BLASTED AND WITHEred shrub, of long standing, indeed, but which had now given way before the remorseless pelting of this new, and deeply aggravated storm ;—and had again, a new claim, to the VERY AFFECTING TITLE I had assumed, as so peculiarly adapted to my case, on a former occasion.

But still, the consolation I had already derived from those numerous communications, which had contributed so effectually to pour in their respective balms into the wounds affliction had made, and of which I produced such a precious specimen, as a conclusion to my last chapter- the circumstance of my having yet one friend, who, in addition to the kind sympathy he had expressed for my sufferings, and the strenuous exertions, and forcible arguments, he made use of, to induce me to try and take sustenance, and such other matters as might be conducive to the restoration of my health,— manifested the strongest disposition to serve me, and render himself useful in the way of carrying me forward to the completion of my settlement ;-and the comfort I must have experienced, from the consideration, that, although the fearful dream, as I called it at the time, had been realized, in almost its literal sense, yet it had borne marks, by its effects, as having been rather sent to me as a messenger of kindness;—