'It might be right in you to wish that people should not have confidence in you, and yet right in us to have it and wish that they should have it, and I felt that I could not have had any hand in doing what could any way prepare for what would be (I speak not of self) so deep a wound to our Church. In a word, write or speak or act as I may, I do not believe that it ever can be; it goes against my whole nature to believe it. I cannot think that we should be so utterly. deserted as that it should be permitted.' Newman was placed in a position of extreme difficulty by his desire on the one hand that Pusey should not entertain false hopes, and on the other that he should not be pained, as he necessarily would be by being forced to abandon them. REV. J. H. NEWMAN TO E. B. P. Oriel College, Aug. 28, 1844. (I only had your letter this morning.) MY DEAR PUSEY, I have great anxiety about answering you. For myself I like to know and prepare for the worst of things-it distresses me not to look things full in the face, and in my case it is on the whole a saving of pain-but I cannot tell whether it is so to others. I would not for the world give you pain I could avoid. It would be most unworthy and shocking in me. Yet in so painful a subject, it does seem better to me to have all out once for all (which I had hoped Manning had done last year) than to keep hacking and hacking bit by bit. Surely great part of one's pain is from suspense, anxiety, suspicion, anticipation-surely if I could but make you feel the worst, it must be a relief to you. You very greatly overrate my consequence, and the surprise which any step on my part would cause. I believe a great number of persons are prepared for it. More and more are coming to expect it daily. I cannot realize it myself-any more than that to-day I may be in Oxford and to-morrow in York. You cannot realize it. But I believe we, who are close to the act, are the persons most difficult to be impressed with an anticipation of it. The shock and unsettlement attending it I have felt acutely for years—but every month is reconciling the minds of persons to it. What am I to say but that I am one who, even five years ago, had a strong conviction, from reading the history of the early ages, that we are not part of the Church? -that I am one whose conviction of it now is about as strong as of anything else he disbelieves-so strong that the struggle against it is doing injury to his faith in general, and is spreading a film of scepticism Newman's Secession probable-Pusey's Reply. 407 over his mind-who is frightened, and cannot tell what it may end in, if he dares to turn a deaf ear to a voice which has so long spoken to him. -that I am one who is at this time in disquiet when he travels, lest he should be suddenly taken off, before he has done what to him seems necessary. For a long, long time my constant question has been, 'Is it a dream? is it a delusion?' and the wish to have decisive proof on this point has made me satisfied to wait-it makes me satisfied to wait still-but, should such as I be suddenly brought down to the brink of life, when God allows no longer time for deliberation, I suppose he would feel he must act, as is on the whole safest, under circumstances. And now, my dear Pusey, do take in the whole of the case, nor shut your eyes, as you so kindly do continually, and God bless all things to you, as I am sure He will and does. Ever yours affectionately, JOHN H. NEWMAN. The effect of this letter on Pusey is best described by himself. MY DEAR N. E. B. P. TO REV. J. H. NEWMAN. Friday evening [Aug. 30, 1844]. I do not shut my eyes now; I feel everything I do is hollow, and dread its cracking. But though I feel as in a vessel threatened with shipwreck, I trust that our Lord is still in her, and that, however perilled, she will not perish. I seem as if the waters were gathered on heaps on either side; yet trust that we are Israel, not Pharaoh's army, and so that they will not fall. This has been my feeling since the letters to Manning; I can hardly do anything or take interest in anything; perhaps it is all the better that it is so; but it seems like building on with a mine under the foundations. However, as I recover myself, I do hope that God will not allow this to be, nor destroy His work in the midst of the years, and so I hope, and commit things to Him Who can sway all hearts. I hardly know what sorrow can reach me now which does not involve the injury of single souls or of the Church; and so what I have done may involve nothing, in that all other chastening which I can have has been bestowed upon me already, except bodily suffering. However, it is done; I have desired and do desire that anything short of the loss of my own soul or that of others may come on me, so that our Church do not undergo that loss. However unworthy, He may accept it still. Ever, my dear Newman, Your very affectionate E. B. PUSEY. On the day of writing this letter from Clifton, Pusey had administered the Holy Communion to Mr. J. W. Bowden, whose illness had been for some weeks becoming increasingly serious. Apart from their friendship for Bowden, Pusey and Newman each felt an especial interest in his case as that of a man who had shared their intimate convictions, and was now passing into the Eternal World. To Pusey, Bowden's 'simple good faith' and 'sweet calm tranquillity' were illustrations of the truth and office of the English Church which could thus brighten for her children the valley of the shadow of death. Newman 'expected that Bowden's illness would have brought light to his own mind, as to what he ought to do 2.' E. B. P. TO REV. J. H. NEWMAN. Brighton [Sept. 3, 1844]. MY DEAR N. Bowden seemed to think I should tell you something of his state. I wish I could say anything as to his bodily state, which should be cheering; but you will know all. There are more decided sorrowful symptoms than when I saw him in London, though not such, I believe, as should make one think that he would be very soon taken from us. Yet they are, I fear, distressing, and he seemed to feel that he wanted much the prayers of all his friends. Ever your very affectionate E. B. P. A fortnight later, and all was over. REV. J. H. NEWMAN TO E. B. P. MY DEAR PUSEY, 17 Grosvenor Place, Sept. 17, 1844. Marriott has told you all that was to be told pretty nearly. Dr. Bernard considered that his end was so near that, if he was to be moved, no time was to be lost. He said too he thought that he could be moved with safety, and that the moving might even for the time be of service to him. He kindly came with them. Bowden was most happy and peaceful all day, and did not complain of being overtired. They put him to bed directly he got here. Next morning at four o'clock he had a little coughing, and was at once suffocated. She saw it at once-nothing was to be done. I shall stay here certainly till after the funeral: how much longer 2 Ibid., p. 359. 16 'Apologia,' pp. 357, 359. Mr. Bowden's Death. 409 I do not know. I suppose not long, perhaps no time. Mrs. Bowden bears it as no one could but herself. . ... Ever yours affectionately, J. H. N. E. B. P. TO REV. J. H. NEWMAN. MY VERY DEAR N. Sept., Emb. Wed., 1844. I was going to write to you to-day, though what have I to say to you which has not been said to you by Him Who is ever with you? These peaceful departures are bright spots in a cloudy sky. 'Lord, brighten our declining day.' I could not but think, from some words which he used, that he suffered more in body than he allowed to appear, for Mrs. Bowden's sake. He thought each closing day so much of his trial over. I was struck too by the way in which he asked for our prayers. And this makes that bright calm close the brighter. God be praised for His mercies. What a long, long past seems closed; it makes one think that there can be but a short remaining earthly future. Yet He, I trust, is in the cloud now, Who was in the pillar of fire before. I have not written to Mrs. Bowden, because she has now in you all which she can have on earth. But give my love to any of the dear little ones, whom it would not interrupt. Ever, my dearest Newman, your very affectionate friend, E. B. PUSEY. It was but last year we compared [notes]; I had had twenty years of your friendship, he only had more. Thank you very much for your account. Bowden's calm death was not without a certain although passing effect on Newman's convictions. When one sees so blessed an end, and that, the termination of so blameless a life, of one who really fed on our ordinances and got strength from them, . . . it is impossible not to feel more at ease in our Church'.' Pusey, with his quick sensitiveness, was alive to this result of Bowden's death, and his buoyant sanguineness led him to make more of it than the facts would warrant. 'I have been most cheered,' he wrote to Newman, 'to hear of the comfort you have had in your late sorrowful but blessed occupation.' But Newman had sobbed bitterly over Bowden's coffin to think that 'he left me still dark as to what the way of truth was 2.' 1 'Apologia,' p. 359. 2 Ibid. CHAPTER XXXII. OPPOSITION TO THE NEW VICE-CHANCELLOR-DEFEAT— PROPOSED NEW UNIVERSITY TEST-CONDEMNATION OF MR. WARD - ATTEMPTED CONDEMNATION TRACT 90-PROSECUTION OF MR. OAKELEY. 1844-1845. OF At the beginning of Michaelmas Term, 1844, Dr. Wynter's term of office as Vice-Chancellor expired. Next in the order of succession was Dr. Symons, Warden of Wadham. Dr. Symons, as one of the Six Doctors, had joined in the condemnation of Pusey's sermon; or, as Pusey himself would have said, of the doctrine contained in that sermon. Whilst at Ilfracombe, Pusey had received a letter from C. Marriott, insisting on this consideration, and asking whether it would be necessary to oppose Dr. Symons' nomination. Pusey thought that it would, not for any reason personal to himself, but as a protest against heresy.' He gave this opinion subject to Newman's assent. It would seem that at the time Newman expressed no opinion: those of the younger men who were verging towards Rome were opposed to the protest against Dr. Symons on the ground that it was useless to struggle for Catholic truths in the English Church, and that Dr. Pusey's judges represented her true principles. When the Senior Proctor, Mr. Guillemard of Trinity, asked Dr. Wynter, the outgoing Vice-Chancellor, on what day the nomination of his successor would take place in Convocation, Dr. Wynter was unable or unwilling to satisfy him. Yet almost immediately after this application a circular was |