SCENE I.-The Street before OLIVIA's House. Enter SEBASTIAN and Clown.

Clo. Will you make me believe that I am not sent for you?

Seb. Go to, go to, thou art a foolish fellow; Let me be clear of thee.

Clo. Well held out, i' faith! No, I do not know you; nor I am not sent to you by my lady to bid you come speak with her; nor your name is not Master Cesario; nor this is not my nose neither. Nothing that is so, is so.

Seb. I pr'y thee vent thy folly somewhere else; Thou know'st not me.

Clo. Vent my folly! he has heard that word of some great man, and now applies it to a fool. Vent my folly! I am afraid this great lubber, the world, will prove a cockney.-I pr'y thee now ungird thy strangeness, and tell me what I shall vent to my lady; shall I vent to her that thou art coming?

Seb. I pr'y thee, foolish Greek, depart from

me;

There's money for thee; if you tarry longer
I shall give worse payment.

Clo. By my troth, thou hast an open hand:these wise men that give fools money get themselves a good report after fourteen years' purchase.

Enter OLIVIA

Oli. Hold, Toby; on thy life, I charge thee, hold.

Sir Toby. Madam?

Oli. Will it be ever thus? Ungracious wretch, Fit for the mountains and the barbarous caves, Where manners ne'er were preached! out of my sight!

Be not offended, dear Cesario!

Rudesby, be gone!-I pr'y thee, gentle friend,
[Exeunt SIR TOBY, SIR ANDREW, and FABIAN.
Let thy fair wisdom, not thy passion, sway
In this uncivil and unjust extent

Against thy peace. Go with me to my house;
And hear thou there how many fruitless pranks
This ruffian hath botched up, that thou thereby
Mayst smile at this: thou shalt not choose but go;
Do not deny. Beshrew his soul for me;
He started one poor heart of mine in thee.

Seb. What relish is in this? how runs the stream?
Or I am mad, or else this is a dream :-
Let fancy still my sense in Lethe steep;
If it be thus to dream, still let me sleep!

Oli. Nay, come, I pr'y thee: 'would thou 'dst be ruled by me!

SCENE II-A Room in OLIVIA'S House.

Enter MARIA and Clown.

Mar. Nay, I pr'y thee put on this gown and this beard; make him believe thou art Sir Topas, the curate; do it quickly: I'll call Sir Toby the whilst. [Exit MARIA.

Clo. Well, I'll put it on, and I will dissemble myself in 't; and I would I were the first that ever dissembled in such a gown. I am not tall enough to become the function well; nor lean enough to be thought a good student: but to be said, an honest man and a good housekeeper, goes as fairly as to say, a careful man and a great scholar. The competitors enter.

Enter SIR TOBY BELCH and MARIA. Sir Toby. Jove bless thee, master parson. Clo. Bonos dies, Sir Toby: for as the old hermit of Prague, that never saw pen and ink, very wittily said to a niece of King Gorboduc, "That that is, is:" so I, being master parson, am master parson for what is that, but that? and is, but is?

Sir Toby. To him, Sir Topas.

Clo. What hoa, I say,-Peace in this prison!

Sir. Toby. The knave counterfeits well; a good knave.

Mal. [in an inner chamber]. Who calls there? Clo. Sir Topas, the curate, who comes to visit Malvolio, the lunatic.

Mal. Sir Topas, Sir Topas, good Sir Topas, go to my lady.

Clo. Out, hyperbolical fiend! how vexest thou this man? talkest thou nothing but of ladies?

Sir Toby. Well said, master parson.

Mal. Sir Topas, never was man thus wronged: good Sir Topas, do not think I am mad; they have laid me here in hideous darkness.

Clo. Fie, thou dishonest Sathan! I call thee by the most modest terms; for I am one of those gentle ones that will use the devil himself with courtesy: say'st thou that house is dark?

Mal. As hell, Sir Topas.

Clo. Why, it hath bay-windows, transparent as barricadoes, and the clear stories towards the south-north are as lustrous as ebony; and yet complainest thou of obstruction?

Mal. I am not mad, Sir Topas; I say to you, this house is dark.

Clo. Madman, thou errest: I say, there is no darkness but ignorance; in which thou art more puzzled than the Egyptians in their fog.

Mal. I say, this house is as dark as ignorance, though ignorance were as dark as hell; and I say, there was never man thus abused: I am no more mad than you are; make the trial of it in any constant question.

Clo. What is the opinion of Pythagoras concerning wild-fowl?

Mal. That the soul of our grandam might haply inhabit a bird.

Clo. What thinkest thou of his opinion?

Mal. I think nobly of the soul, and no way approve his opinion.

Clo. Fare thee well: remain thou still in darkness thou shalt hold the opinion of Pythagoras, ere I will allow of thy wits; and fear to kill a woodcock, lest thou dispossess the soul of thy grandam. Fare thee well.

Mal. Sir Topas, Sir Topas,

Sir Toby. My most exquisite Sir Topas! Clo. Nay, I am for all waters. Mar. Thou mightst have done this without thy beard and gown; he sees thee not.

Sir Toby. To him in thine own voice, and bring me word how thou findest him. I would we were well rid of this knavery. If he may be conveniently delivered, I would he were; for I am now so far in offence with my niece, that I cannot pursue with any safety this sport to the upCome by-and-by to my chamber. [Exeunt SIR TOBY and MARIA.

shot.

Clo. Alas, sir, how fell you beside your five wits! Mal. Fool, there was never man so notoriously abused: I am as well in my wits, fool, as thou art.

Clo. But as well? then you are mad indeed, if you be no better in your wits than a fool.

Mal. They have here propertied me; keep me in darkness, send ministers to me, asses, and do all they can to face me out of my wits.

Clo. Advise you what you say; the minister is here.-Malvolio, Malvolio, thy wits the heavens restore! endeavour thyself to sleep, and leave thy vain bibble babble.

Mal. Sir Topas,

Clo. Maintain no words with him, good fellow. -Who, I, sir? not I, sir. God b' wi' you, good Sir Topas.-Marry, amen.—) .—I will, sir, I will. Mal. Fool, fool, fool, I say,

Clo. Alas, sir, be patient. What say you, sir? I am shent for speaking to you. Mal. Good fool, help me to some light and some paper; I tell thee, I am as well in my wits as any man in Illyria.

Clo. Well-a-day,-that you were, sir!

Mal. By this hand, I am :-good fool, some ink, paper, and light, and convey what I will set down to my lady; it shall advantage thee more than ever the bearing of letter did.

Clo. I will help you to 't. But tell me true, are you not mad indeed? or do you but counterfeit?

Mal. Believe me, I am not; I tell thee true. Clo. Nay, I'll ne'er believe a madman till I see his brains. I will fetch you light, and paper, and ink.

Mal. Fool, I'll requite it in the highest degree: I pr'y thee, be gone.

Clown sings. I am gone, sir, And anon, sir, I'll be with you again,

Seb. This is the air; that is the glorious sun; This pearl she gave me, I do feel 't and see 't: And though 't is wonder that enwraps me thus, Yet 't is not madness. Where's Antonio, then? I could not find him at the Elephant :

Yet there he was: and there I found this credit,
That he did range the town to seek me out.
His counsel now might do me golden service:
For though my soul disputes well with my sense,
That this may be some error, but no madness,
Yet doth this accident and flood of fortune
So far exceed all instance, all discourse,

That I am ready to distrust mine eyes,

And wrangle with my reason, that persuades me

To any other trust but that I am mad, Or else the lady's mad; yet if 't were so,

She could not sway her house, command her followers,

Take and give back affairs, and their despatch, With such a smooth, discreet, and stable bearing As I perceive she does: there's something in 't That is deceivable. But here comes the lady.

Enter OLIVIA and a Priest.

Oli. Blame not this haste of mine.-If you mean well,

Now go with me, and with this holy man,
Into the chantry by: there, before him,
And underneath that consecrated roof,
Plight me the full assurance of your faith;
That my most jealous and too doubtful soul
May live at peace: he shall conceal it
Whiles you are willing it shall come to note;
What time we will our celebration keep,
According to my birth.-What do you say?

Seb. I'll follow this good man, and go with

you;

And, having sworn truth, ever will be true. Oli. Then lead the way, good father; and heavens so shine,

That they may fairly note this act of mine!

[Exeunt.

Clo. Marry, sir, they praise me, and make an ass of me; now my foes tell me plainly I am an ass: so that by my foes, sir, I profit in the knowledge of myself; and by my friends I am abused; so that, conclusions to be as kisses, if your four negatives make your two affirmatives, why then the worse for my friends, and the better for my foes.

Duke. Why this is excellent.

Clo. By my troth, sir, no; though it please you to be one of my friends.

Duke. Thou shalt not be the worse for me; there's gold.

I would you could make it another.

Duke. O, you give me ill counsel.

Clo. Put your grace in your pocket, sir, for this once, and let your flesh and blood obey it. Duke. Well, I will be so much a sinner to be a double dealer; there's another.

Clo. Primo, secundo, tertio, is a good play; and the old saying is, the third pays for all: the triplex, sir, is a good tripping measure; or the bells of St. Bennet, sir, may put you in mind; one, two, three.

Duke. You can fool no more money out of me at this throw: if you will let your lady know I am here to speak with her, and bring her along with you, it may awake my bounty further.

Clo. Marry, sir, lullaby to your bounty till I come again. I go, sir, but I would not have you to think that my desire of having is the sin of covetousness: but as you say, sir, let your bounty take a nap; I will awake it anon.

[Exit Clown.

Enter ANTONIO and Officers.

Vio. Here comes the man, sir, that did rescue

me.

Duke. That face of his I do remember well; Yet when I saw it last it was besmeared As black as Vulcan, in the smoke of war: A baubling vessel was he captain of, For shallaw draught and bulk unprizable; With which such scathful grapple did he make With the most noble bottom of our fleet, That very envy, and the tongue of loss,

Cried fame and honour on him.-What's the

matter?

1st Offi. Orsino, this is that Antonio

That took the Phoenix and her fraught from

Candy;

And this is he that did the Tiger board,
When your young nephew Titus lost his leg:

Here in the streets, desperate of shame and state,
In private brabble did we apprehend him.

Orsino's enemy. A witchcraft drew me hither:
That most ungrateful boy there, by your side,
From the rude sea's enraged and foamy mouth
Did I redeem: a wreck past hope he was:
His life I gave him, and did thereto add
My love, without retention or restraint,
All his in dedication: for his sake
Did I expose myself, pure for his love,
Into the danger of this adverse town;
Drew to defend him when he was beset;
Where being apprehended, his false cunning
(Not meaning to partake with me in danger)
Taught him to face me out of his acquaintance,
And grew a twenty-years-removéd thing,
While one would wink; denied me mine own
purse,

Which I had recommended to his use
Not half an hour before.