upon with the greatest Serioufnefs and Devotion. Our Church advifes excellently in the Preface to Matrimony, and it were to be wished that they would not only give it the hearing at the Time, but make it their Study a good while before; yea, and the Marriage Vow too, which is fo ftrict and awful a Bond, that, methinks, they had need well weigh every Branch of it, ere they enter it; and by the ferventest Prayers implore that God, who is the Witnefs, to be their Affiftant too in its Performance.

CHAP. VII.

Of the Manner of BEHAVIOUR towards MEN.

T

HE Female Sex ought to maintain a Behaviour towards Men, which may be fecure to themselves without offending them. No ill-bred affected Shynefs, nor a Roughness, unfuitable to their Sex, and unneceffary to their Virtue, but a Way of living that may prevent all Caufe of Railleries or unmannerly Freedoms; Looks that forbid without Rudeness, and oblige without Invitation, or leaving Room for the faucy Inferences Men's Vanity fuggefts to them upon the least Encouragements. This is fo very nice, that it must engage them to have a perpetual Watch upon their Eyes, and to remember that one careless Glance gives more Advantage than a hundred Words not enough confidered; the Language of the Eyes being very much the most fignificant and the most observed.

The

The Civility of Women, which is always to be preferved, must not be carried to a Compliance, which may betray them into irrecoverable Mistakes. This French ambiguous Word Complaifance, has led Women into more Blame, than all other Things put together. It carries them by Degrees into a certain Thing, called a good kind of Woman, an eafy idle Creature that doth neither Good nor Ill but by Chance, has no Choice, but leaves that to the Company fhe keeps. Time, which by Degrees adds to the Signification of Words, has made her, according to the modern Stile, little better than one who thinks it a Rudeness to deny when civilly required, either her Service in Perfon, or her friendly Afliftance, to those who would have a Meeting, or want a Confident. She is a certain Thing always at Hand, an eafy Companion, who has ever great Compaffion for diftreffed Lovers: She cenfures nothing but Rigour, and is never without a Plaister for a wounded Reputation, in which chiefly lies her Skill in Surgery: She feldom has the Propriety of any particular Gallant but lives upon Brokage, and waits for the Scraps

her Friends are content to leave her.

There is another Character not quite fo criminal, yet not lefs ridiculous; which is, that of a good humour'd Woman, one who thinketh fhe muft always be in a Laugh, or a broad Smile, becaufe Good-Humour is an obliging Quality; thinks it lefs ill Manners to talk impertinently than to be filent in Company. When fuch a prating Engine rides Admiral, and carries the Lanthorn in a Circle of Fools, a chearful Coxcomb coming in for a Recruit, the chattering of Monkeys is a better Noife than fuch a Concert of fenfelefs Merriment. If the is applauded in it, the

is

is fo encouraged, that, like a Ballad Singer, who, if commended, breaks his Lungs, the lets herself loose and overflows upon the Company. She conceives that Mirth is to have no Intermiffion, and, therefore, fhe will carry it about with her, tho' it be to a Funeral; and if a Man fhould put a familiar Question, she does not know very well how to be angry, for then the would be no more that pretty Thing, called a good-humour'd Woman. This Neceffity of appearing at all Times to be fo infinitely pleafed, is a grievous Miftake, fince in a handfome Woman that Invitation is unneceffary; and in one who is not so ridiculous. It is not intended by this, that Women should forfwear Laughing; but let them remember, that Fools being always painted in that Pofture, fhould frighten those who are wife from doing it too frequently, and going too near a Copy which is fo little inviting; and much more from doing it loud, which is an unnatural Sound, and looks fo much like another Sex, that few Things are more offenfive. That boisterous Kind of Jollity is as contrary to Wit and good Manners, as it is to Modefty and Virtue. Besides, it is a coarse Kind of Quality, that throws a Woman into a lower Form, and degrades her from the Rank of those who are more refined. Some Ladies fpeak loud and make a Noife to be the more minded, which looks as if they beat their Drums for Voluntiers; and if by Misfortune none come into them, they may, not without Reason, be a good deal out of Countenance.

There is one Thing yet more to be avoided, which is, the Example of those who intend nothing farther than the Vanity of Conqueft, and think themselves fecure of not having their Honour tainted by it. Some are apt to be

lieve their Virtue is too obfcure, and not enough known, except it is expofed to a broader Light, and fet out to its beft Advantage by fome publick Trials. Thefe are dangerous Experiments, and generally fail, being built upon fo weak a Foundation, as that of a too great Confidence in ourfelves. It is as fafe to play with Fire, as to dally with Gallantry. Love is a Paffion that has Friends in the Garrison, and for that Reafon muft, by a Woman, be kept at fuch a Distance, that he may not be within the Danger of doing the moft ufual Thing in the World, which is confpiring against herself: Elfe the humble Gallant, who is only admitted as a Trophy, very often becomes the Conqueror ; he puts on the Style of Victory, and from an Admirer grows into a Mafter, for fo he may be called from the Moment he is in Poffeffion. The firft Refolutions of stopping at good Opinion and Efteem, grow weaker by Degrees against the Charms of Courtship skilfully apply'd. A Lady is apt to think a Man speaks fo much Realon whilst he is commending her, that he has much ado to believe him in the Wrong when he is making Love to her: And when, befides the natural Inducements the Sex has to be merciful, the is bribed by well-chofen Flattery, the poor Creature is in Danger of being caught like a Bird listening to the Whistle of one who has a Snare for it. Conqueft is fo tempting a Thing, that it often makes Women mistake Mens Submiffions; which with all their fair Appearances, have generally lefs Refpect than Art in them. Women fhould remember, that Men who fay extreme fine Things, many Times fay them moft for their own Sakes; and that the vain Gallant is often as well pleased with his own Compliments, as he could be with the kindest Answer. Where M

there

there is not that Oftentation, you are to fufpect there is a Defign: And as ftrong Perfumes are feldom ufed but where they are neceffary to finother an unwelcome Scent, fo exceffive good Words leave room to believe they are strewed to cover fomething, which is to gain Admittance under a a Difguife. Women muft, therefore, be upon their Guard, and confider, that of the two, Refpect is more dangerous than Anger. It puts even the best Understandings out of their Place for the Time, till fecond Thoughts restore them; it steals upon us infenfibly, and throws down our Defences, and makes it too late to refift, after we have given it that Advantage. Whereas Railing goes away in Sound, it has fo much Noife in it, that by giving Warning it befpeaks Caution. Refpect is a flow and fure Poison, and, like Poison, fwells us within ourselves. Where it prevails too much it grows to be a kind of Apoplexy in the Mind, turns quite round, and after it has once feized the Underftanding, becomes mortal to it. For thefe Reafons, the fafeft way is to treat it like a fly Enemy, and to be tually upon the Watch against it.

perpe

One Advice may be added to conclude this Head, which is, that Women fhould let every feven Years make fome Alteration in them towards the graver fide, and not be like the Girls of fifty, who refolved to be always young, whatever Time with his Iron Teeth determined to the contrary. Unnatural Things carry a Deformity in them never to be difguifed; the Liveliness of Youth in a riper Age, looks like a new Patch upon an old Gown; fo that a gay Matron, a chearful old Fool, may be reasonably put into the Lift of the tamer Kind of Monfters. There is a certain Creature called, a grave Hobby-Horfe, a kind of a She Numps,