deny. The short-lived attachment speedily that I was not the least changed in essentials died a natural and painless death; the cap- from the Augusta Spenser who had formerly tain soon afterwards left the neighborhood, been one of the happiest and most lively at and Helen transferred her affections to a very such scenes. Where then was the change? pleasing young barrister, whose attentions I was a governess! I know not how it iswere happily more acceptable to her parents. whether or not it is an evil capable of being I have always thought that Margaret remedied-whether it is possible to combine guessed the cause of her walks with her sis- the ease and enjoyment of a young lady with ters being stopped. She avoided the school- the staid propriety of a governess. All I room for some time afterwards, and for more know is this, that as society is constituted in than a month volunteered no confidences, but the nineteenth century, the only course open treated me in a distant, formal manner. More to a wise governess, is to acquiesce in its than this she dared not do, for she knew well rules and etiquettes, and not examine too that if it transpired that I had warned Mrs, closely into the trials and humiliations it Tower, the first question that would naturally forces upon her. She must rise superior to suggest itself to all minds, would be, "How such feelings; she must fully realize that her came Miss Spenser to know any thing about occupation is an honorable one, which, if the matter?" and probably she thought my exculpation would be, "Margaret told me." Her fear of her sisters, therefore, kept her quiet, and as I quietly acqueisced in her avoidance of the schoolroom, the affair dropped silently to the ground. I now come to a portion of my experiences that it is not a little painful to relate, though, having resolved to keep back nothing that may be of benefit to others, I enter upon it without hesitation, hoping it may prove of service to some. When I had been rather more than six months at Cheverell Park, a second large party was given, to which I was again invited. This time I gladly accepted the invitation, and looked forward with pleasure to joining once more in amusements which had formerly been a source of great enjoyment to me. I meditated long upon my proper position in Mrs. Tower's ball-room. I even gave full and anxious consideration to my dress, and finally decided that I would wear a high dress, in accordance with Madeleine's advice, but that a high black silk dress would be out of character in a ball-room. I thought it best, therefore, to have a new white muslin made, with several deep, quiet tucks, and for my hair I purchased some black velvet bows. Nothing could have been more calculated to escape notice of every kind than my toilette, when dressed. I had decided to decline all polkas and waltzes, but thought there could be no objection to my dancing a quadrille, if I had the opportunity. rightly used, can but reflect dignity upon her, and she must never try to throw aside the governess and assume the young lady, for such a step will be fatal to her influence over her pupils, and to her position in the family. But my reflections, as I sat in Mrs. Tower's drawing-room, were not precisely of this sober, contented nature. I rebelled inwardly against my position. I felt angry with Mrs. Tower for having placed me in it. I felt indignant with the Misses Tower for taking no notice of me, and irate with Margaret for the manner in which she was laughing and flirting with a conceited-looking young man, at a little distance, steadily averting her eye all the time from the corner of the room in which I sat. Dancing commenced, but no one thought of me. How thankful should I have felt had they been dependent upon a piano for their music, and I had been allowed to perform the part of musician throughout the whole evening! Some, in reading this confession, may feel contempt for the writer, but if so, they have never known the bitter feelings that were stirred up in my heart that night; the intense, aching loneliness, the unwept tears that gathered in my eyes throughout the evening; the miserable, uncharitable thoughts that passed through my mind about those around me; no, truly, weak and sinful as I was, I was more to be pitied than despised, for the trial was great. Dance succeeded dance; the dancers grew more and more lively, more and more engrossed in their occupation, less and less obIt may be imagined how forlorn and lonely servant of me. Several times I half rose to I felt in the brilliantly lighted room, knowing retire to my room, that I might give vent no one, and seeing everybody sociable and unseen to the bitterness of my spirit; but the merry around me. More than once I wished dread of attracting attention, of appearing myself in my quiet schoolroom, and bitterly annoyed at the isolation of my situation, as did I feel the anomalous position of a govern- often deterred me, and I sat down again. At ess in an English family. I knew that my length better thoughts entered my heart, and birth and education were equal to those of I prayed for strength to be able to resist the most in the room; that my manners were as temptations of the adversary. Incongruous good, and my natural address as easy and as such an action in such a place may appear, unembarrassed as those of any around me; I had no hesitation in offering up a prayer, with the sight of the dancers before my eyes, | clergyman singling out a poor neglected gov and the sounds of gallops and waltzes in my erness, from a room full of elegant and arisears. I had always been taught that God tocratic beauties, to converse with her for the was everywhere, and that his ear was ever greater part of an evening. The amount of open to a humble, earnest prayer, offered un- reverence and admiration that the act inspired der whatever circumstances, in whatever sit-in me, mocks all my powers of description. uation. I grew more composed, and then It would be considered simply ludicrous by for the first time began to see that there were the greater part of my readers, did I attempt others in as forlorn a position as myself, and to embody it in words, but it would find an those not governesses as I was. echo in the hearts of some few who have exMy attention was presently caught by hear-perienced the desolation of spirit upon which ing a very sweet-toned gentleman's voice just it burst like a sunbeam. Those few will unbehind me, ask in low accents, "Can you tell derstand it without further description, and me, Miss Wood, who that young lady in it is for those that these experiences are alwhite muslin is? She is seated on the couch, most entirely transcribed. and is more plainly dressed than any one in the room." "What young lady do you mean? Oh! that one, she is Mrs. Tower's governess, and I think her name is Spenser. Mrs. Tower told me she was a clergyman's daughter." "Indeed! Do you think you could introduce me to her? She looks very forlorn." 66 Certainly, if you wish it," was the reply, in a surprised tone, and presently Miss Wood, whom I had met on previous occasions at Cheverell Park, stood beside me, and introduced me to a young clergyman, whom I had before noticed in the room, on account of his pleasant face and gentlemanly manner. Mr. Rashleigh took a seat beside me, and I soon found myself talking to him on perfectly equal, sociable terms. How rapidly had the dulness of the evening vanished! The rest was nothing but enjoyment to me. I discovered that he had a curacy in the neighborhood, that he knew all my favorite walks, had read most of my favorite books, and finally, the casual mention of my old home, led to the discovery that we had some mutual friends. His manner was peculiarly pleasant, being quite free from any thing like flirting, and indeed rather grave than otherwise; yet it conveyed the impression that he was interested in me, and took a pleasure in drawing out my character; and he had the power of giving a vivid interest to every subject he touched upon, which rendered him an unusually agreeable companion. I have occasionally met such men since in the world, but not often, and I am inclined now to think, although prejudice made me judge far otherwise at the time, that they have none of them been of a very high or elevated tone of mind, but that this gift of pleasing led them to regard it as of more importance than it really is, and made them, consequently, very sensitive to the opinions of others. Very differently did I think at the time. Intense gratitude for the moment swallowed up every other sensation. I was almost overpowered by the fact of a gentleman and a The evening at length drew to a close, and my new friend wished me a pleasant "goodnight." I immediately retired to my room, too well satisfied at leaving the company with an agreeable impression, to wish to stay and have it effaced. I found it hard the next morning to settle into the dull routine of school-work. The events of the previous evening had unsettled me entirely. I felt as if I had been carried backward, for a few short hours, into my former life. While talking to Mr. Rashleigh I had escaped from the governess for a time, and many a pleasurable sensation of independence and equality had returned in full force. His manner had made me feel that, despite the occupation that necessity had forced upon me, I was a lady by birth and education, and that I was not only entitled to his respect, but actually possessed it. I do not think there was any thing wrong in all this; it cannot be denied that the sensations were but natural. I was not in love. I hope I was not weak or foolish enough to fall in love with a stranger, simply because he treated me with a kindness and courtesy that bitter experience had taught me were wanting in the world at large. I believe that fervid gratitude was all that I felt, or at least, believed myself to feel at the time; though, on looking back through a vista of many years, I will candidly own that I now think my feelings towards him, even after that short acquaintance, were such that they could without difficulty, have ripened into love, had he given me reason to think my love was desired. Many years have passed over my head since then, but even now my cheeks tingle as I make this confession. Ó young governesses, beware! The loneliness and desolation of our lot make us peculiarly susceptible to kindness and consideration, and the world should pity, and not condemn us, if our starved and withered hearts respond too warmly to these rare tokens of interest and sympathy. Yet for our own sakes we should beware. Many a governess has fondly brooded over small signs of kindness, until she has ended in imagining that what sprang only from Christian courtesy, had its origin in a warmer and more individual feeling, and has ended by experiencing all the bitterness of unrequited love. Nor is it altogether fair to those who take compassion on our isolation, that they should be unable to do so without danger of arousing feelings and kindling hopes which are far from their own minds. We have no safeguard but in praying against such temptations, and in trying to throw our hearts entirely into our duties. It may be wisely said to all classes, that if God wills that any should marry, he will bring it about without any scheming or manoeuvring on our part, but to no class is this saying so applicable as to governesses. They must bear it in mind, and act upon it, if they wish rightly to perform their duties. A governess cannot give her undivided attention to her pupils, and be musing upon marriage at the same time. She must be content to leave her future in God's hands, and bow meekly to whatever lot he may ordain for her. At the time I am speaking of, I had no thoughts of marriage connected with Mr. Rashleigh, though it cannot be denied that he occupied a large portion of my thoughts throughout the day. I believe sincerely that I struggled hard against the listlessness that continually crept over me during lesson hours. I remember that, through fear of not having done full justice to Flora in the morning, I made her come to me, much against her will, for another hour in the afternoon, since Margaret was too much tired to give any time to her studies on that day. I spent the evening in writing a long letter to my mother, giving her a full account of the ball, with every little detail that I thought likely to interest her; and certainly my thoughts must have been simple and innocent, for I wrote a glowing description of my new friend, and the kindness he had shown me, without a thought of shame that the letter would be read by my sisters as well as my mother. It may be wondered at that I should dwel! so much upon so commonplace a subject as the casual attention of a gentleman in a ballroom; but many a smaller event than this threw a tint of coloring over my quiet, monotonous life, and were I to restrict my narrative to the recital of only great facts and startling incidents, my tale were soon told. CHAPTER VII. THE weeks passed quietly, and uneventfully by, and all my pleasant thoughts of Mr. Rashleigh and the ball "faded into twilight grey," and were only mused on occasionally, as a bright green spot in a parched and pathless waste. Day after day brought the same duties, the same small interest. the same trials. At length the prospect of a little variety appeared in an invitation for Margaret and Flora to a juvenile party in the neighborhood, in which invitation I was included. After spending a whole morning in expressing her extreme scorn at the idea of joining a juvenile party, Margaret ended by forgetting her scruples and accepting the invitation, and the whole of the afternoon, and the greater part of the next few days, were spent in concocting a wreath and bouquet that should looked as little juvenile as possible. I had no need to disturb myself about my dress; it could be but creditable for a governess to appear twice or thrice, or a dozen times, in the same dress, provided it was a suitable one, which, happily white muslin can never fail to be, for any description of party, at any hour of the day. The party was a particularly pleasant one to me, for I no longer found myself obliged to sit in a quiet corner and speak to no one, but my energies had full scope in dancing with the children, playing quadrilles for them, and starting them in their games. Mrs. Morris, the lady of the house, treated me with great kindness, and I felt my spirits rise proportionably, until, in turning suddenly round upon a mirror at the upper end of the room, I almost started to see a bright color upon the usually pale face that met my gaze. About an hour before supper, feeling a little exhausted, I retired to a quiet couch in the corner of the room, and contented myself with looking on. Presently a commotion at the door intimated that another guest had arrived, even at that late hour, and almost immediately Mr. Morris entered the room with Mr. Rashleigh. I was greatly pleased at having met him once more, but the pleasure was rapidly superseded by a chill fear that I should not be recognized, and that his gentle, courteous attentions would be given to some one else. I watched him eagerly as he spoke to Mrs. Morris, and made jocose remarks to some of the children. He appeared perfectly at home there, and knew every one, exchang ing a few words with each as he passed round the room. The time seemed interminable until he approached my corner of the room, and then I grew so foolishly restless and nervous in wondering what my greeting would be, that I could have wished to see him turn back and retrace his steps. I need not have feared. With an expression of surprise and satisfaction he shook hands with me, and having then completed the circuit of the room, dropped naturally upon the couch at my side. I will candidly own that I was much gratified at this renewal of our acquaintance. My kind friends were not so many in number as that one more or less was a matter of no consequence to me. If possible I found him even pleasanter than on the former occasion. The gentle deference of his manner never varied and he renewed the conversation of our last meeting in a way that showed it had left an impression on his mind. We continued our discussion of books, and this led on to a comparison of the merits of different poets. We each had our favorites, and in defending our peculiar tastes, and quoting passages in support of our opinions, much time slipped happily by. "Is it possible you have never read The Princess!" he exclaimed at length. "Why, it is one of Tennyson's best poems. I must lend it you. How shall I contrive to let you have it ?" I hesitated; the temptation was sore. This kind of intercourse would cast a charm over my dull life that made my pulses beat with pleasant anticipation. But was it wise? Would Madeleine have approved it? Was it likely to be pleasing to Mrs. Tower? Had Mr. Rashleigh been a married man, I need not have doubted, but he was not so. I felt unable to decide hastily as to the wisest course to pursue, but a vague notion lurked in my mind that the least pleasant course is usually the safest, and thanking him cordially, I de clined the offer. The moment the words were cut of my mouth a burning flush covered my face, as the discourtesy of the refusal presented itself to my mind. Mr. Rashleigh did not appear to regard it in the same light. He evinced no surprise, but went on discussing the poet in question, as if scarcely conscious of my last speech. Yet I felt intuitively that such was not the case; and the delicacy thus displayed, and the inexpressible gratification of feeling my motives understood and appreciated, increased my admiration and respect in no small degree. opinion came across me with an effect at once soothing and irritating. Discontent grew upon me day by day, until at last I found myself fretting at my position, and entirely unfitted for the duties I had to perform. A miserable time ensued. I became impatient to see to the end of my probation, envious of those whose lot raised them above the trials to which I was subjected. I felt a feverish longing to return to my mother and sisters, and at times indulged in angry thoughts that they should all be living happily together while I was in exile, forgetting that it was by my own choice I left them, and only remembering at last, with sensations of bitter self-reproach, the long and constant letters I received from them, and my mother's still unabated grief at having me separated from her. These feelings subsided at length, and I was able to see how sinful the indulgence of them had been without inquiring into their true cause. I involuntarily connected their origin with my meeting with Mr. Rashleigh, yet I could not bring myself to wish that we might not meet again, but satisfied my conscience by resolving that any future meeting should not be attended with similar results. We did meet again before long, and often afterwards. I found him always the same in manner, and although I noticed that his be havior to other ladies was as courteous and pleasing as it was to me, I still fancied, with or without reason, that his interest in me was greater than in most of those around us, and that my conversation afforded him more pleasure than that of most people. Mrs. Tower and her daughters did not usually appear to observe the attention with which he treated me; only one night as we were all returning from a Christmas dance in the neighborhood, I heard Helen Tower say to her sister, as they put on their opera cloaks The evening, like all other pleasant even-"Mr. Rashleigh has made Miss Spenser ings, came to an end at last, and I returned the object of his devotion to-night. I wonder home with my charges. It never crossed my who it will be next." mind to be otherwise than greatly rejoiced at having met my new friend again, though I doubt whether more pleasure or pain resulted from this renewal of the acquaintance. I was unsettled for my duties again the next morning, and trifling vexations that I had previously borne with contentment, and almost indifference, seemed wholly insupportable. I had difficulty in controlling my temper, which was usually even and placid; I was irritable with Flora, and short with Margaret, who, owing to the excitement of the previous evening, was particularly trying. The words were painfully jarring, and rung unceasingly in my ears the whole night. And here, before I proceed further, I must state that to this moment I do not believe Mr. Rashleigh ever thought he was a flirt. I cannot deny that he was culpably inconsiderate of the effect his attentions might produce; and I have since heard of more than one instance in which young ladies have fancied his peculiarly pleasing manner was indicative of a special and individual interest felt in them. Such was my case. I was not foolishly fanciful or susceptible, and it was some time be For several days I was restless and discon- fore I allowed myself to indulge in the thought tented. I do not know that I thought much that he indeed cared for me. But the thought of Mr. Rashleigh, but whenever I felt slighted did steal in unawares at length, and truth and neglected, the remembrance of his cour-obliges me to confess that there was happiness teous manner and evident deference to my in the idea, and that after it had once fully dawned upon me, it cast sunshine upon every shadow, and opened out before me a bright, vague future. "Then, I suppose Mr. Rashleigh will leave Westow now," remarked Mrs. Tower. "No; he has taken that small house just out of the town, near the Morris', and Mrs. Morris is superintending the papering and furnishing. They are expected home in a fortnight, and there is such excitement in Westow about the young bride." It may be thought unmaidenly that I should have indulged in such dreams before receiving actual proofs of Mr. Rashleigh's regard for me; and perhaps I was too premature in drawing such conclusions from his attentions; but my great loneliness and pining for affec- "Mrs. Morris has seen her, and says she is tion must plead my excuse; and thus much I a very sweet-looking_girl," said Helen. "I may say in my own defence, that I did not am sure I hope Mr. Rashleigh will be a little allow the belief to influence my behavior less profuse in his attentions for the future, towards him in the smallest degree, except or the bride will not have a very agreeable in being more studiously retiring, and watch-lot." ful not to attempt to thrust myself into contact with him in any way. I no longer found any difficulty in performing my duty by my pupils. Without actually allowing myself to make schemes for the future, I had ceased to fret at my present lot, or speculate as to the probable length of its duration. I felt even in spirits, calm, cheerful, and energetic; good-tempered with Flora, forbearing with Margaret, and full of love and sympathy for those at home. Thus time passed on, and summer at length arrived. My acquaintance with Mr. Rash leigh had been of nine months' duration; and although I cannot repeat a word or an action of his during that time, which actually justifies the impression that existed in my mind, yet I am sure it was not without some reason that I yielded to it. "It is all manner with him," said Mrs. Tower. "He is the same to so many people, and never seems to consider that a misconstruction may be put upon his attentions." "It is all very well for a single man," said Charlotte," but will hardly sit well on a married man, or be pleasing to a young wife." "As it is, I expect she will hear a great many rumors that will make her uncomforta ble," added Helen. "He has been talked of in so many quarters." "I am sure Mary Upton thought he admired her at one time," said Charlotte; "he always used to single her out from a room full of people, and devote himself to her for a whole evening. I thought she looked rather conscious when she told us the news to-day." "And yet one could not call Mr. Rashleigh One morning I joined the family as usual a flirt," mused Helen. "His manners are so at luncheon-time. They were sometimes ex-grave and subdued." ceedingly irregular at this meal, and on this "I believe his intentions to be innocent," day in particular, several were absent, and said Mrs. Tower; " but I am exceedingly glad only Mrs. Tower sat down with us. Soon to hear he is married, for I have always been afterwards the Misses Tower entered in their expecting him to get into trouble." riding costume, and laying aside their hats, joined us without any further toilette. 64 Have you had a pleasant ride, Charlotte?" asked her mother. Luncheon was by this time over. I rose and went to my own room. My head was throbbing, my hands were trembling. My dream was over; the quiet life of a governess lay before me once more in the vast future; the glow that had lately lent such a brightness to it had faded away; only the dreary gray of a winter sky remained. Yet I was wonderfully calm. I shed no tears, I indulged in no regrets. I was not sufficiently collected for prayer, but I took my prayer-book, which lay on the toilet-table, and read over the psalms for the day. I am not sure that I entered into them, or was actually conscious of any thing but the familiar phrases, and a certain deadening of thought for the "And heard some news that astonished us," said Charlotte. "Mr. Rashleigh was married last week, and it appears that he has been engaged for some time, although very few peo-time being, but the effect was good. When ple about here were aware of it." "The lady was very young," observed Helen, "and it has only been an acknowledged engagement for a short time, but Mrs. Morris, who is in his confidence, says it has been a long attachment." THIRD SERIES. LIVING AGE. 451 I had finished, I felt more equal to considering what I ought to do. This did not require much reflection; my duty was plain. I must put away the past as a dream, and throw myself into the small duties and interests of the present moment. I pined for fresh air to |