LIFE OF MISS ANTHONY,

Lettino

41

mer experiences. The glory of God and the method. of salvation through Christ filled my soul with the most solid, substantial joy, wonder and love. It continued all that day, and the next, rather increasing than abating. But a few days after, as my view of these things was not so clear and powerful, and the joy not gone, I was in some danger of depending on my sweet frame, in opposition to relying wholly on Christ. At this instant, I received a letter from the Rev. Mr. Wheelock, in answer to one I had written to him some time before. But his came at this time, I never could learn how, though it had been written, I think, some months before but now it came at the instant when I most needed it. And I think, of all the means I ever had improved, none were ever more blessed for my estab lishment, than this letter. I have ever found it a powful instrument in the hand of God of convincing and confirming my soul and must ever adore the wisdom of God, who directed him to write it, and did so powerfully apply it to my heart.

This letter laid me in the dust. I saw my past folly and sin, and my present danger. I was humbled before God; and my ingratitude and sin appeared highly. aggravated. Yet my soul was not filled with fears about my state. It rather put me upon renewing my faith in Christ. And as it convinced me of what was wrong; so it put me on a more critical watch over my heart. In short, it was blessed to regulate much of my inward conduct, both under comfort, and in darkness. And for some months after it seemed to be copied out in my experiences. Mr. Stoddard on the safety of appearing in the Righteousness of Christ; Mr. Flavel. and some others, on the Covenant of Redemption, were greatly blessed to establish my soul.

And now the holy Spirit of God did work to strengthen my faith. My mouth was filled with arguments in prayer. I had enlarged and affecting views of the infinite, unlimited Being, with whom I had to do; and that the blessings I was seeking were absolutely free and sovereign; and of my interest in the dear, divine Mediator, whom the Father always hears. This filled me with the utmost boldness of access. My views of

spiritual things were vastly higher than ever before; and my sense of sin more evangelical. O, may I record these seasons, with the deepest humility and greatest wonder! I have thought some of these discoveries have left written on my heart, Holiness to the Lord. ‹ While I beheld the divine glory, by faith, my whole soul seemed to be transformed into the divine image.

But I forbear to attempt to relate some of those unutterable views of the divine perfections, which I have had by faith. Yet the effects, I trust, shall still abide, until Heaven allow language bright enough to express those glories, which I then by faith beheld in Jesus Christ, who is the brightness of the Father's glory, and the express image of his person, and the fulness of the Godhead. Now, O my soul, perhaps it will better become thee, in solemn silence, humbly to adore the divine condescension, than here to relate particulars.

Let me only record some of the kind effects of these things on my soul, which may serve to awaken me to see from whence I am fallen, and to convince me that the Lord is true and faithful; and though sorrow may endure for a night, yet joy, cometh in the morning: and they who sow in tears, shall reap in joy. My consolation was not less, or inferior to the amazing terrors I had before been exercised with. No! blessed be God! I now enjoyed a mere Heaven on earth. The views I had of the divine perfections enlarged all my conceptions of the divine power and goodness; the unlimited, infinite fulness of God; the sovereign freeness of grace and love. The glorious, all-sufficient, powerful advocate I had with the Father, raised my faith. I did not fear to ask for any thing that was not forbidden by the word of God, however great and good; and however unworthy I was.

I reflected on the several excellencies of the saints, recorded in scripture: the faith of Abraham; the holy confidence of Jacob; the meekness of Moses; the uprightness of David. Yea, the humility, patience, love, fortitude, zeal, resolution, prudence, strength, wisdom and constancy of the people of God, in all ages: who all derived their grace from this unbounded fulness, through this dear divine Mediator. They had nothing.

but what they had received: not even Paul, with all his great attainments. And they received them for the sake of this glorious High Priest, in whose name I had boldness of access. These were by nature children of wrath; blind, ignorant, depraved, corrupt, base, sordid souls, as to God, and spiritual things. It was not for any merit in them; but for the glory of the riches of his sovereign grace in Jesus Christ, that they were. thus chosen and blessed. And the least babe in this family, who had an interest in him, had as real a right to plead for grace, and might do it with as much boldness, as the greatest saint living; since we are all one in Christ Jesus, all have one and the same right in him, as Mediator, if we have any true interest in him by faith.

O, how did these views often fill my soul with a holy boldness, and my mouth with arguments. O my soul, remember, with holy humble wonder and love, how God did then, as it were, lead thee into his secret chambers; held up thy weak tabernacle of clay; encompassing thee with his glorious fulness, and strengthening thee with might, by his Spirit, to wrestle with him; O, the confidence of faith!

Where are

From whence art thou fallen, O my soul. those soul quickening, soul humbling, soul transforming views I then had? Where the devout ardor, the unsatiable thirst, the unwearied importunity, when thou refus→ edst to let the angel of the covenant go, without a blessing? Where that life and fervor, that neither the darkness of the night, nor the light of the day could prevent; but both were witnesses of it? Where that breaking of soul, that God would shew me his glory? And where that zeal and activity in the service of God? O my soul, where that holy violence; that pressing into the kingdom of Heaven; that new obedience; that unwearied diligence in the duties of religion; that self diffidence, and humbling sense of my wretched depravity, barrenness and hypocrisy ? O, how did these views of the divine perfection give me the most humbling sense of sin! O, how infinitely evil did sin appear! As the only evil that my soul had reason to fear. O, my soul, where that godly fear; that holy care and watchfulness, lest thou shouldst offend this most pure and holy Being,

with whom thou hadst to do? Where that quick sense of the least departure from this God; and that alarm sounded in the whole soul at it? O, how did the least apprehension of an indifferent, careless frame, rouse my soul, lest some temptation should meet me unguarded ! I knew I was then most in danger, when least watchful. Never did I work with more diligence, than now. When I was most powerfully impressed with a believing view, that my whole salvation must be for ever as cribed to the riches of free, sovereign grace; that there was no merit in my works; it was then I found the most powerful motives from faith, love and gratitude, to study what I should render to the Lord for all his benefits towards unworthy, unprofitable me.

Now I frequently examined my state, summoning conscience to the bar of God; adjuring it, in the name of the great God, to do its office, and bring in a true verdict. Yea, calling upon every thing, above and below, within and without, to witness for God, in the most solemn and awful manner; in a deep sense of the divine attributes, God's impartial justice, and infinite purity, in whose sight the wicked could not stand.. Solemnly querying with my conscience to speak for God and, if I was deceived, to cry aloud, and be a faithful witness for God, though against me. Thus did I examine myself; and again examine my examination, in the most strict and solemn manner that I was capable of; with earnest prayer to God, that he would not suffer me to be deceived: laying open my heart to the conviction of his word and Spirit. And the effect of all was greater peace of conscience, and joy in the Holy Ghost.

Thus was my soul daily established in God. Every outward reproach that was cast on me, was improved, either to put me on seeing that my foundation was right, or studying how I might more glorify God, and honor the sacred profession I had made. My soul was built up under the word and ordinances of God, on which he had taught me to set a high value, as being his own institutions.

And though God has since sometimes corrected my backslidings, and hid his face for a small moment; yet

his loving kindness has he not taken from me, nor suffered his faithfulness to fail: but has graciously led me along by still waters; and in green pastures has he caused me to feed. His rod and his staff have comforted me. In and by every affliction, he has taught me his tender care over me. In every cross and disappointment, he has, sooner or later, made me to adore his wisdom, and see his kind designs of love and mercy. And though he has sometimes called me into the field of battle; yet has he harnessed me for the battle, and fought for me. Innumerable evils have compassed me around. Satan, the world, and my own wicked, deceitful heart, all combined to devour me quick; yet his arm alone has sustained me. Even when every refuge failed, and my faith was ready to stagger, my extremity has been his opportunity. He has never left me unsuccored or without relief

After I had enjoyed great peace in my soul, and had sat under the droppings of the sanctuary of God with vast delight, he was pleased awfully to bereave me of both my ever dear and reverend pastors: which was a very sore affliction: yet, under this trial, he taught me much by what I experienced.

Then was he pleased to visit me with many and great bodily disorders, whereby I have been often brought to appearance, to the gates of 'the grave; and every outward comfort of food or physic rendered a terror, and an aggravation of my pain. Yet by all these things have I been taught the riches of his grace and love; and in all has he been my comforter, and my only allsufficient refuge. How hath he borne me, and my burdens! And it is with pleasure that I now recount the most distressing trials of my life for by these has God bound me faster to himself; laid me under renewed obligations to live devoted to him, and his glory.

And when satan has been permitted, as he has been in later years, most furiously to rally all his forces against the foundation of my hope, as to all religion; by which I have been led into the most terrible conflicts and combats, with the united powers of hell, so that I have even chosen strangling and death, rather than encounter with these legions of foul spirits. O, how