"The present journey with my be- it close exercising work, to get clearly down to loved friend has been a fresh trial of the up- the good thing alluded to; and have staid longrightness of my desire after dedication; for afer in places hereabouts, than any where before. ter returning from Ireland, I earnestly sought Yesterday was trying to my almost worn out quietude and obscurity, to settle down amongst mind; my companion got a little relieved in my valuable connections and enjoy their socie- the morning, but I saw no way for myself all ty, or the benefits of solitude; but the reward the day, though under a great weight; but so of peace was not the attendant of these pros- it is, we need patience and subjection in such pects; nor did the cloud appear to rest upon times, lest we move before the waters have my tabernacle; the words, "Time is short," risen to their appointed height." were deeply inscribed upon my heart, so that "We have been favoured to get one thing or other bid me take a few more along without accidents, and have to acknowsteps in the tribulated path of gospel obedi-ledge that many ways, we are helped beyond ence.' our frequent expectation; finding, as we suppose others do, discouragements on the right hand, and on the left; which, if suffered to prevail, would soon destroy that little grain of efficacious faith which removes mountains, and without which, however we may labour and waste our strength, such mountains of difficulty and unfruitfulness, as the Christian traveller meets with, can never be removed. How ne "I have felt myself these few days back, as near the end of my present commission, my faith, patience, and every Christian virtue, as to the point of land before us; and being so far from home, aggravates the pros pect, and gives me very much the feeling of a pelican in the wilderness, out of the reach of almost any other help, save that holy Arm which leads about and instructs, in what ap-cessary is it then to fight the good fight of pears to us the most deserted situation, and moreover hath promised to keep as the apple of the eye. faith: that so, when pure life is circulating, instead of knowing it not, we may be strengthened to lay hold of it, and to experience the inner "Could I believe myself to be one thus pro- man so renewed in us, as to actuate every servided for, and to whom the arm of power will | vice. Here we see our own insufficiency, continue to be extended, some of my secret and how unavailing it is to depend upon our cogitations would be less painful and gloomy, strength and judgment, in things belonging to and with greater pleasantness, I could advance, ourselves or others." though in a tribulated way. From Plymouth "I have been at meeting this mornwe came into Cornwall, taking Germains, ing at Collumpton, a small gathering of lukeLooe, Liskard, Austel, and Mevagessey meet- warm professors, in the general; but a few ings, in our way to Falmouth, where, and solid young people afforded a comfortable prosin its neighbourhood, we have met with some pect for the future. Silence was my lot here; valuable Friends. In these western counties but my spirit was deeply humbled, in feeling the through which we have come, viz. Hampshire, baptizing virtue of truth near to purify my vesDorsetshire, Somersetshire, and Devonshire, sel, which I esteem more than the fairest quali the Society, as to the circulation of that life fications for public service; and am more and which we profess to be seeking the influence of, more led secretly to supplicate the increase of is indeed lamentably low. A worldly spirit and this solid experience, and ability to endure with a state that is neither hot nor cold, greatly pre- Christian firmness and patience those dispensavails; so that the few living members (for tions by which it is obtained. Nevertheless, I there is here and there one) are scarcely able am often deeply tried in religious meetings, to lift the standard of Truth, or revive the re- with such exceedingly great strippedness of membrance of the law. But in this county, good, and intrusion of thoughts which I by no viz. Cornwall, things are better; a right zeal means approve there, that I mourn under it; having sprung up in divers, to search into the and when any thing opens, which appears real state of the church, and what is more, a like a discovery of Truth, to give it to others care first to search themselves; an exercise when I am ready to perish with hunger mygreatly wanted amongst active members in self, is almost irreconcilable; especially when many places. C. Phillipps' labours in these after giving up to it, I find myself as poor parts have been, we think, eminently blessed; when a meeting breaks up, as when it began. I and the good effects of such a faithful discharge can hardly describe what I secretly suffer from of duty, and bearing a steady uniform testi- meeting to meeting on this account; so that mony to the Truth, and against error, would, when I am favoured with a sensible evidence, there is no doubt, oftener be found, if that was of the sanctifying power of the Minister of minoftener tried. We get but slowly forward isters yet dwelling in mine earthen vessel, since we came into this county; for though I abundantly doth my soul acknowledge, that have mentioned some good in it, yet we find the excellency of the power is not of us, but of Him, and that He hath a right to reveal it when and how he pleaseth." may add, have felt sweet unity with thy spirit; and therefore hope ever freely to pour into thy She attended the circular meeting at Glou- mind any little hints which may in that love cester, in the ninth month; from whence she revive towards thee. And now, as thou hast returned pretty directly into Yorkshire, and put thy hand to a good work, let me say, look was at the quarterly meeting for that county. not back; and when the certainty of thy being In the forepart of the tenth month, she proceed-rightly anointed for it is withdrawn, which is ed with G. Dillwyn and others to the county of no uncommon trial, look not then to the sentiDurham, and attended the quarterly meeting ments of others for support and encouragethere. Of these services no remarks can be ment; but labour after true quietude and paadded, as there does not appear any thing ma- tience of soul, whereby thou mayest, with terial of her own preserved on these occasions. comfortable assurance, in the right time, have The following extracts from other letters are thy head raised in hope, and thy growth in also instructive and interesting, viz. religious experience be less superficial, than I fear is often the case even with those who have been put forth by the heavenly Shepherd. There is no consolation, no confidence, wisdom, or strength, like that which proceeds from the deep and hidden spring, whereunto we must learn to dig, if ever we are rightly grounded in the work of sanctification: and as the divine will is our sanctification, if we obey it; be not slack in surrendering thyself thereto. I write not these things from an apprehension that thou needs them more than others, for my sentiments of thee are very different; but I wish thee to set out independent of any instrumental help, except that which is sent from the fountain of purity; and to look to no example further than it is consistent with the holy Pattern. Fourth month, 1786.-We have often conversed about Friends in Ireland, and felt the glow of true love therein; which, though not much expressed to themselves, is yet a living spark in all our breasts, which many waters cannot quench; nor will long separation be able to erase those epistles which are written by the finger thereof, and in which there is a liberty sometimes allowed for the spirit to meditate, with a degree of strengthening consolation, especially when, by the clearness of the characters, we find one another as fellow-pilgrims, travelling after the resurrection of pure life, and making steady advances towards that city which hath foundations. Upon this object I sometimes fix my eye, with renewed resolutions, through holy help, to press forward through the difficulties of the present scene, and to count all things but as dross and dung that may win Christ, and be found in him; not having on my own righteousness, but the righteousness of faith in Christ, that thereby I may attain the resurrection of His power, the fellowship of His sufferings, and be made conform able to His death. The spirit is willing thus to endure, but the flesh and its inherent propensity to ease, creates a warfare, wherein I sometimes fear, the natural and best life will entirely fall. I Fifth month, 1786.-We are sometimes like pilgrims whose faith and patience are at a low ebb; and were it not for the gracious condescension of Him who regardeth even the sparrows, and whose arm of everlasting strength is underneath in seasons of drooping and dismay, we should be ready at times to faint; but it is the renewings of holy help that become strength in weakness to those that put their trust in it; and is a present sufficiency when we are not able to provide for ourselves. May thou be fully grounded in this trust, that thereby, in times of discouragement and sifting, thy stability may endure, and thy experience increase in the knowledge that all things work together for good, to those that truly love the appearances or manifestations of the divine will. I believe thou knowest that I dearly love thee, and, I To Seventh month, 1786.-I remember it is said, that even "when the sons of God met together, satan came also amongst them;" so that if he did so again, it was no new thing; and we are instructed by the angel how to deal even with him; not to bring a railing accusation, but patiently, and with Christian fortitude, to commit the great cause to that power which can protect it, and rebuke the adversary, but not in our way, and in our time; for it is in general most eminently displayed when the creature is reduced, and nothing left in us that can boastingly exult even over satan himself. behave ourselves wisely in the church, humbly and watchfully to fear meddling with things too high for us, things into which our minds are not renewedly baptized, is a care which I wish we may ever preserve; for herein a godly jealousy over ourselves, and our own spirits, will help to centre us in that meekness for which the paths of true judgment are appointed, will give a right feeling of what is opposition to the Truth, and what is not, and how to use the armour of light, which, when rightly put on in meetings for discipline, unfolds the simplicity of Truth, and discovers the pure, disinterested foundation of those who are engaged to contend for the faith. It is becoming the nobility of the cause of righteousness, to see its warriors so unfeeling of personal opposition, as to return good for evil, and patiently to endure all things, rest. seeking an opportunity to bless, by candidly short of this I sometimes desire to find no opening each other's understandings, and then generously forgiving. There is no doubt, but that, in our Society, if the root and ground of Christian discipline in ourselves were attained to, and abode with, meetings for the promulgation of it in the general, would be more owned by their members being baptized by one spirit into one body, and more crowned with that life which is peculiarly in reserve for those, who have been faithful to the death of the cross in themselves. I am often humblingly convinced, that whatever I do in the sacred offices of the church, if it be the fruit of speculation, a lively imagination, or only a desire to render myself useful, however suitable it may seem, yet not proceeding from some little influence of the holy anointing, which lets me see myself with others, it is sure to leave a painful corroding sense upon my own mind, which I am afraid I have sometimes charged others with being the cause of, rather than myself. Thus danger appears on every hand, except we are watchful and humble; but "the humble the Lord teacheth of his ways, and the meek he guides in the paths of judgment:"" thy gentleness (said David) hath made me great.' Tenth month, 1786.-Experience teaches us, that it is not always we are capable of even enjoying that good and profitable communion which, by virtue of the key of David, is sometimes opened for our present refreshment and encouragement, in our path of deep proving and frequent dismay; much less of so resting in it, as always to be ready for the expression of those things which are not at our command. I conclude thou knowest that has been sometime in a low depressed situation of mind, but her company had a savour in it, of which she herself was not sensible, as is generally the case with those who are under the most un mixed dispensations of purifying virtue. That state wherein all sense of comeliness is taken away, and under which we are clothed, as the prophet Daniel thought himself, with corrup tion, is that which appears to me the most acceptable, and no doubt is the best prepared to receive the language of," arise, thou that art greatly beloved of the Lord;" the chastening of these having been seen, and their many mournings heard, by the gracious ear of the Lord of Sabaoth. Eighth month, 1786.-I see abundant occaHow different would things be amongst us sion to watch the spring in myself from whence as a people, if all those who wish to be conmy rejoicings and depressions come. Self is sidered as under the divine forming hand, and a subtle enemy, insinuating itself into the com- who are ready to step into service, were but pany of the purest intentions and approved enough emptied, and their beauty stained in services, claiming a share of their peace and their own eyes! many spacious buildings on a of the spoil of the most righteous victories over sandy foundation would then be thrown down, every enemy but itself. A furnace, however, and there would be more exercise and care in is wisely prepared for gold, where this dross searching for the immovable Rock of ages, discovers itself by separation; so that if we are which really in many places seems grievously zealous enough to get rid of it, we must fre- neglected. My prospects are often mournful quently retire to the test, submit to whatever when I look at myself; there weakness and degree of purification the great Refiner sees inexperience in some necessary refinements are meet, and cheerfully endure hardness under sorrowfully manifest; and on taking a view of his gracious protecting power; for, according the state of the visible church, we see many of to my experience, I take this redemption of the its members so diseased that they cannot perpure life from all self-seekings, to require the form their allotted functions, nor edify the body, closest combat, and most intrepid perseverance though they retain their places there: the reof a Christian, in order to gain access to that deemed sanctified church how small! and in river which makes glad the city of God, and what a wilderness state! So that to look at to inherit the promises of the gospel in their ourselves, at the degenerate, or at the preserved, own purity; where the edge of many sorrows church, ministers discouragement, and shows and trials is blunted, when they have nothing to us the necessity of turning our attention anostrike at but holy humility. O it is a blessed ther way; inward, instead of outward, and experience which my soul fervently craves! I there waiting for the renewings of that power sometimes think I gain a little ground towards by which the worlds were made, and receiving it, when a discovery of its animating glory, supplies for spiritual wants at the first almighty substantial feeding, and impregnable defence, Hand. is made to my understanding; but, on finding how little capacity I have to receive things genuinely divine, the acknowledgment is readily made, that I know nothing as I ought to know, which is only attained by an experimental growth and establishment therein; and yet First month, 1787.-Your joint affectionate salutation came duly to my hands, and with the sympathy expressed in it, afforded me a little of that consolation which the drooping mind sometimes longs to partake of, when meditating on its own weakness and unworthiness and to renew a considerable portion of health and strength. Of this illness, and the exercise of her mind under it, as well as of her feelings in the review of it, some account will be conveyed, by the following extracts from her letters, written whilst she was on the recovery. of the renewed proofs of friendly regard and Christian fellowship. It is pleasant indeed for brethren to dwell together in unity; and O that in order to retain this mark of discipleship, our eye may be single! for this leads to a commu. nion still more excellent and pure, than that which we enjoy with each other in this mixed -I am now favoured with ability to state of things, even a communion with the answer your solicitude myself, and say, that light which discovers all things, and is the life the account you had of my illness was, I apof those that believe in it. Yes I do know your prehend, not worse than the reality; having path, and that it is a tribulated one: may you been reduced to the gates of death to all aprun your race therein with patience; for "tri-pearance, with an inflammation of my lungs, bulation worketh patience, patience experience, which had been approaching some weeks, and and experience hope, and hope maketh not arrived at an awful crisis; at which time, by ashamed, because the love of God, (and not the merciful interposition of the good Physician, of ourselves) is shed abroad in our hearts." the disorder took a favourable turn, and opened Here is a foundation which the gates of hell again my prospects to this mixed state of things. cannot prevail against, and which, as we keep My bodily affliction was great, but the conflicts to it, will preserve us from being soon shaken and gloomy exercises of my mind, were not in mind, or troubled with those changeable less, being involved in all the weakness and inthings, which in the course of our pilgrimage sufficiency of human nature, in endeavouring to may befall us. I hope you will continue to attain to the spring of pure consolation, at the keep in your remembrance a poor little sister, same time that, in unerring wisdom, it was sealbeset with many discouragements, and sifted ed in my view: so that upon the whole, it was with many fears and doubtings, particularly a season of deep proving, and I humbly trust, respecting our future movements; for I endeavour what I can to leave the things that are behind. CHAPTER V. Family Visit at Sheffield. Her illness there.— France. In the first month 1787, she was engaged with Rebecca Jones and others, in a religious visit to the families of Friends at Sheffield; concerning which she writes as follows: The visit here is got through, and I hope profitably to many, and especially the youth, of whom here are great numbers; some of the apprentices are very raw, but others seem turning about with desire to find, and make, the right purchase. They are indeed, altogether, a great load of care upon the shepherds and shepherdesses in this place, whose concern I hope is increasing. It is pleasant to find increasing unity and openness amongst rightly concerned Friends in this place, and that love which casteth out fear. At the close of this family visit, she was taken very ill, with a heavy cold and an inflammation of the lungs. This disorder continued for several weeks, during which she was brought very low in body and mind. But the great Physician, on whom appeared to be her sole dependence, saw meet to raise her again, VOL. XII.-No. 8. lasting instruction; by rendering more single the attention of my mind to divine discoveries, whereby our duty is seen, and strength to perform it acceptably received. To be found faithful in the great work of the present life, is an object of such magnitude, that all things else appear comparatively trifling, when we are looking into a state of eternal duration. -The ways of wisdom are a great deep, and the designs of removing from, or restoring to, this uncertain and probationary state of be. ing, are often for purposes which require a daily waiting for, and dependence upon the unfoldings of pure instruction, in order profitably to discover them. I consider this to be my own case, and often remember a remark of John Woolman's to a friend, perhaps similarly circumstanced, "do we (says he) get through with great difficulty, and yet recover; He requires that we should be purged from dross, and our ear opened to discipline." -I am favoured to continue recovering, though often reminded that in every sense I am a poor weak creature, and under abundant necessity to hold fast the little strength I have, and patiently wait for the renewings of that life which quickens, and gives joy in the spiritual creation. But I am still too carnally minded, too much disposed to look outward, and too little to press through the opposition of nature, to that true weightiness of spirit which I earnestly sought for in a late season of adversity. These things convince us, that in order to win the crown in view, we must fight the good fight, and wrestle for that faith which only gives the victory. 40 The subject of removing into Ireland, and settling there, had for a considerable while, engaged her solid consideration; and the propriety of that undertaking was about this time attended with such clearness to her own mind and that of her husband, that they apprehended the time was near for their departure from this land. Divers of her letters written on this occasion, show her sense of the importance of this measure, and how great and exemplary was her concern, that they might be directed wisely and safely concerning it. The following have been selected from them. ings, for they are many, and far beyond my deserts. -I often wish that I could learn to be still when I have nothing to do, and instead of straining my eyes in the dark, and watching the breaking of the day, to dwell quietly in the ward all night, believing in the light, and obediently working therein. The outward day breaks gradually upon us, and experience teaches us the certain indication of its approach, a dawning of light which we are not apt to disbelieve, nor doubt that the meridian of it will come in due time. As in the outward, we -Our minds have been under frequent, cannot hasten that time, no more can we with and sometimes, unprofitable, concern how to respect to divine illuminations. Does it not dispose of ourselves. There seems an abund-therefore remain to be our business, to wait for ance of places to choose from, both in Ireland the light when a little of it appears, to believe in and here; but to know our right lot, is what we it, and that the fulness of the day will come, are both desiring singly to stand open to the discovery of, if conveyed to us ever so simply; the light which manifests it, be it ever so small, will, I believe, satisfy our fasting minds. We have need to be reduced low, that we may so obtain the knowledge of the divine will, as cheerfully to yield obedience thereto. Though we think we have waited long for instruction, yet as our opinions, of ourselves especially, are often very fallacious, it is not impossible but we are far from that state of self-nothingness and dependence, which I am sometimes ready to hope we are on the brink of. We are at present quite unbound to any place; perhaps to have no place of abode is the lot designed us; a lot that much opposes my inclination, but if right, however trying, it must be submitted to, and its consequences likewise, as the requirings of the day. though we do not now see it; remembering that "blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed." This is what I apprehend to be right to do, and what I wish to attain; but I would by no means insinuate, that 1 confidently believe myself to have arrived at it, in the prospect of removing to Ireland; meaning only, that after a state of anxiety, and tossing about with every wind of the sentiments of others, I seemed to get into resignation's harbour. I am however willing to stand open to further conviction; and if the will should be graciously accepted for the deed, my poor bark excused the exposure, and my dear R. G. satisfied, which I do not doubt if it is right, it will not be an unpleasant release from an engagement to which I now feel myself rather bound. There are many in this nation, and in our own county, (setting aside my near relatives after -My mind has of late looked with the flesh) to whom I am closely attached, and more clearness than before, towards Ireland. from whom nature will flinch to part; but It has been a subject of consideration, attended there are also divers of this class in Ireland, already with much anxiety; and now that I whose friendship will, if my residence there be am apprehensive I have seen a right opening right, greatly repair the loss, and tend to towards it, I wish to be preserved from looking smooth the otherwise rugged path. This is back, or entering into unprofitable considera- looking at secondary causes, a view which I do tions about it; but rather to leave the matter at not wish often to take; because to be in the present, only standing open to the discoveries place assigned, whether I was known of morof more light, either for or against it, and re-tals or not, where the great work of sanctificaspecting the right time of moving, or of not tion and acceptance in divine favour is going moving at all, which I know to be the situation forward, would, I am satisfied, afford a peace of my husband's mind respecting it.I superior to all human consolations, and enable well know, that except we are in our right the truly abased mind nobly to say, "Although places we can have no true enjoyment or ex- the fig-tree shall not blossom, neither shall fruit pectation of support under, or the blessing upon, be in the vines; the labour of the olive shall our allotted portion of suffering; and we have fail, and the fields shall yield no meat; the proved both lands to have in them their share flock shall be cut off from the fold, and there of trials and probations; and know that shall be no herd in the stall; yet I will rejoice things which look the most pleasant in either, in the Lord, I will joy in the God of my salvamay soon be embittered, and shaded with tion:" a glorious experience worthy our aspirgloom, as some of them have already at times ing after! Whatever has a tendency to loosen been. I wish however to number my bless- our affections from mixed streams of refresh |