4

RELIGIOUS IMPRESSIONS.

From the time she was seven years old, Jessie's education was carried on, along with her sisters', at one of the principal schools for young ladies in Edinburgh. At it she made very good progress, each year carrying off several of the highest prizes; in her case, however, this was the result of quickness of intellect rather than studious application. Subsequently, she was equally distinguished as a pupil at another school to which she was removed as she grew older. When about fifteen years of age, an unaccountable lassitude seemed to come over her, and although she still maintained her place in her classes, and continued a great favourite with her masters and school companions, her lessons were not prepared at home with the same pleasant alacrity as formerly, and occasionally she seemed almost morose. I saw nothing in the state of her health at the time to account for such a change; but after her illness came on, she told me that for a year or two at that period, she often had such a feeling of dissatisfaction and discomfort, as she could scarcely describe, but she never mentioned it to any one. Her medical attendants have expressed their opinion, both before and since her death, that these feelings had arisen from her complaint having then begun to develope itself, though the symptoms were not sufficiently marked to attract attention, and were indeed scarcely noticed by any human eye, and were even almost disregarded by herself.

Nothing particular manifested itself regarding her religious feelings in her early life, excepting an awakening

ATTENDS CLASSES FOR RELIGIOUS INSTRUCTION. 5

that occurred when she was about thirteen years old, and which it is unnecessary to dwell upon here, as it is noticed in the succeeding chapter. She was

always punctual in her private devotions, and there was a propriety and reverence in her observance of sacred ordinances that could not fail to be remarked. She attended the religious instruction classes of her minister, the Rev. Mr Gillies of Free St Stephen's, for some years before becoming a member of the Church. From him I have since learned that he felt very hopeful regarding her about the time she became a communicant, from her attention to his instructions, and the interest she shewed in the subjects of his class. She was naturally very reserved, and never expressed her feelings freely to him, but after becoming a communicant she continued her attendance upon his classes until her health gave way. She was in the habit at the period referred to, of reading to, and spending a good deal of time with an invalid friend, who took much interest in her spiritual welfare, and who informs me, that from an account which Jessie once gave her of a sermon of Mr Gillies's, she felt sure, that she not only knew the truth, but must in some measure have felt its power. Still no one could say that a saving change had passed upon her then. The knowledge of the truth was there, and when the heavenly torch was applied, how blessed was the result! Instead of the mind becoming a wreck, obscured by the disease as it sapped the powers of her bodily frame, God graciously preserved her mental faculties, and by His own Spirit purified

6

THE REAPER AND THE FLOWERS.

and illumined her soul, making it at last meet for the inheritance of the saints in light.

There is a reaper whose name is Death,

And, with his sickle keen,

He reaps the bearded grain at a breath,
And the flowers that grow between.

"Shall I have nought that is fair?" saith he;
"Have nought but the bearded grain?

Though the breath of these flowers is sweet to me,
I will give them all back again."

He gazed at the flowers with tearful eyes,
He kissed their drooping leaves;

It was for the Lord of paradise

He bound them in his sheaves.

"My Lord has need of these flowerets gay,"
The reaper said, and smiled;
"Dear tokens of the earth are they,

Where he was once a child.

"They shall all bloom in fields of light,
Transplanted by my care,

And saints, upon their garments white,
These sacred blossoms wear."

And the mother gave, in tears and pain,
The flowers she most did love;

She knew she should find them all again,
In the fields of light above.

Oh, not in cruelty, not in wrath,

The reaper came that day;

'Twas an angel visited the green earth,

And took the flowers away.

FIRST INDICATIONS OF DISEASE.

7

CHAPTER II

First Indications of Disease-Acuteness of Intellect- Alarming Symptoms-Failure of Sight-First Thoughts of Death-Difficulty of Realising his Approach-Truthfulness-Assurance.

IN the summer of 1855, when Jessie was in her twentieth year, the first indications of that disease, which shortly afterwards laid her upon a couch of hopeless suffering, began to manifest themselves. At first, however, the symptoms were more those of general debility than of actual disease, and change of air and sea-bathing were recommended as a means of bracing her system, which led us to spend two months at Aberdour, from whence she returned to Edinburgh, without any material improvement; but so insidious were the first symptoms of her mysterious disease, that it was not until the beginning of 1856 that, though anxiously watching, we saw any ground for serious alarm. Then, however, she began to complain of dimness of sight, but upon being questioned about it, she said that she had felt it for some time in reading, but ascribed it to small print or some casual reason. There was also an unsteady feebleness about her step, and an inability to direct her movements, which we attributed to a languid state of health, but we afterwards learned it was caused by the

8

ACUTENESS OF INTELLECT.

increase of the disease in her head. She complained very little, and the only difference which we remarked in her was a subdued gentleness in her demeanour, and that she preferred rather to sit with me than to join her sisters in going out of doors. Our family physician, who had long watched her case with anxiety, told us candidly that some of her symptoms were of a serious nature, and that there was pressure on the brain to a certain extent, which caused imperfect vision; still he hoped she might overcome all her ailments. Certainly her appearance did not lead us to apprehend danger : her countenance wore the flush of health, while her mind was firm and clear. Although extremely youthful-looking, there was a maturity of thought about her that one scarcely would have expected from her simple manners and juvenile appearance. She was naturally of an imaginative turn of mind, and passionately fond of poetry, of which she wrote a good deal, after leaving school, for her own amusement. A dear friend, Mrs

, in whose society she spent many happy hours, and to whom she opened her mind unreservedly, has told me since her death, that she was often greatly amused and surprised at her powers of invention and imagination -indicating a knowledge of human life, and a depth and clearness of thought and observation, not usual at her age, and apparently at variance with her former volatile disposition.

The Rev. Mr Robertson of St Bernard's, who kindly visited her during her illness, and who saw her for the first time shortly before it came on, notices, in some notes