that by fome means you might be mifinformed. God forbid that I fhould have an inclination to wage war, or hold any contention with you; and if I have written any thing that appears like it, for God's fake burn it, and forgive me. I never meant ary such thing. Indeed I am weak; and though the Almighty in much mcrcy preferves my rationality, yet I feel my powers, and the faculties of my foul much depraved, and very much debased; fo that I am fo timorous, fo ftartlish, and fo fubject to difmay, that I am ready to fink at the appearance of any trouble, or any difficulty in the way, though it be a good way off. I know my own evil ways have procured all the sufferings I labour under, or that are yet to come. Many things, I know, that you are exercised with, have a tendency to irritate your mind; but I fhould be very forry to have a hand in helping forward that calamity. Your letter quieted the ftorm within me for the present, but you well know how short my tranquillity in the general is. May the Almighty enable me to endure to the end! It may be my time is not much longer, and to end it with you in peace and unity is all my defire. I have no profpect before in this world, and nothing here that I long after, but more and further acquaintance with Jefus, whom you have been, under God, inftrumental in giving me fome knowledge of, and, I believe, fome love to him; and more of this is that which

I long for daily. "I do not make you my God," as fome vilely infinuate; but I would not lofe the place I have found in your heart, and petitions, for millions of fuch confidences, and of fuch hopes as they have; no, not for all that mine eyes have feen under the fun. God be for ever praised for giving you a heart to receive me, and above all to the dear Redeemer, for condefcending to favour me in my diftrefs. I am only helped as the Lord is pleafed to yield me a little firength through hard wrestling with him in prayer; and though I talk so much about death, yet I am more afraid of living beyond my ftrength, than I am of dying: to be bed-ridden, &c. is what is often fuggefted to me, and worfe than that. But I occupy too much of my time, I know, in thinking on these things; for if I looked to the hills more conftantly from whence I have had a little help at times, I am very fenfible it would be far better with me; but my eyes are kept poring down below, and mine enemy is unwearied in pulling my thoughts downwards. Farewell at prefent, much refpected and dearly beloved.

J. J.

I could not refrain, though it is Saturday, from fending these few broken hints.

N

LETTER XIV.

O MAN! great is thy faith; for what thou wifheft thou canft get for afking. Bleffed be God for ever that there is faith in Ifrael fomewhere. As for my part I was gone, my feet had flipped; but fuch a faith as this I have not found in all Israel; and let Lady S. know this for her comfort. This is Monday morning; your letter was brought into the veftry just before I was going into the pulpit, Sunday morning, but did not open it till this morning. I was afraid that the Lord had not laid my cafe on your heart, or that you had answered my letter only in a rallying manner, which I judged would cut me to the heart; but this morning I have bleffed the dear Redeemer a thousand times. O, my beloved father! forgive me the trouble I have time after time given you. I am truly ashamed before God, that after so many years you have laboured for me, that I am not yet more ftable; but I am one of them that never fhall excel. But I hope this account will make fome compenfation when you hear that God has anfwered you, and will reward you in your own bofom, a thousand times more than it ever can be in my power to do.

Blefs the dear Redeemer for ever and ever; he has lifted up my head once more. Laft Saturday was the day I began to amend; many of my friends had vifited me in the courfe of the week. One day one would fay, I am very glad to find you are so much better; another, the next day, I am very forry to find your hoarseness still continues fo bad; fo I was up and down till Saturday afternoon, when fomething feemed to rebuke me, faying, you do not look to the atonement of the bleffed Saviour; for if he hath fuffered for your fins, they cannot lie now on your foul, nor can they be standing between your foul and God. To this fuggeftion I liftened, and thought I felt some power coming on my fpirit, which drew my attention to this; and a ray of light, though but weak, appeared; and I faw that what Chrift had fuffered was all-fufficient to atone for

my fins, if I could but make an application of it; and then fomething of a ftrong refolution, fomewhat in the words of Efther, I will go before him, come what will; and when I went I found great boldnefs, nearness, humblenefs, and contrition, but nothing further. Aftrong perfuafion I had then that the Lord would open my mouth on Sunday, and that I fhould fpeak. And when the time approached, I ventured to go into the pulpit with much trembling; but when I began to open my mouth, I foon found it was beyond my expectation. And, which was better than any

thing, I began to feel the oil dropping down, and the old rufty lock began to rattle, and the fprings began to move; fo I went on for three quarters of an hour, then I ftopped, and told them, I would spare a little of my strength, if God permitted, till the evening. Several diffuaded me from that, left I fhould hurt myself; but I did, and it was better in the evening than the morning, infomuch that all the congregation. ftared and feemed much aftonished; the power of God was amongst us, feen and felt. Thus God has done with the vileft of the worms of the duft! O blefs him and thank him on my behalf for ever and for ever! But it will be said, what is all this ado about a little hoarseness? True; but can it be thought a little hoarseness in my throat would tumble me fo low into the mire? No, no, it was the temptation of the devil that attended it, that made fuch a havoc in my foul, that the end of it would be either madness or fuicide. I could fay much more here, but I forbear; it is too fhameful, and perhaps would not be credited. You may remember that I told you in my laft, that I firmly believed God would hear you, and I did believe it when I wrote; but now let it be marked, the difference between your faith and mine. I believed when I found myfelf a little better, but you believed without a fign; I can fee this as clear as the day-light, but I cannot mend it. God blefs you for evermore.

J. J.