I muft cut it fhort at this time, for to-morrow is the faft day, and it is high time for me to look about me. May peace be with you, and all bleffings multiplied.

J. J.

LETTER XIX.

Ir rejoices my heart not a little that I have a hope of feeing my dearest and most beloved in the Lord once more in this world. I greatly long to fee him, and have thanked the Almighty that he has attended to my defire. I perceive, by the last note, that I am freed from the injunctions of fecrecy, &c. that I was laid under by a former note, and am at liberty to publish you as ufual, which I fhall do, if God permit, next Sunday, to preach Tuesday and Thursday nights, the 19th and 21ft of this inftant May, if there is no miftake; which, if there is, I shall rectify on receiving a line from you. I hope you will favour me with two lines, between this and Sunday, to inform me whether

I

may expect you to fleep with us Monday night,

or that we shall fee you about noon on Tuesday, or any other hour that you fhall mention, that Nan may prepare a beef pudding and a veal pie. But I hope Lady S. will not defer coming, bécause the two invalids are to come.

In the last epiftle you fent me you ftated the cafe, and declared the matter exactly as it is; but the things that are before I cannot reach, and am much afraid that I am not to be indulged with them, for I really do feel that I need daily a heavy rod, fuch as is prepared for fools backs; if I am out of the fire but two or three days, fome of the drofs of my heart is fure to break out, therefore I wish I could harden my shoulder to endure, and my back to bear, for fuch things are appointed for me, and fuch things well fuit me. I am now poorly; the rheumatism is got into my head, and my fenfes are fadly confounded. God bless my beloved and much honoured friend, and enable him to pray for

THE POOR VICAR.

LETTER XX.

I CAN only at prefent fend a few lines to my dear friend to let him know that I am poorly; I have had a blister again on my ftomach. This conflict has been one of the fharpest, though, as you observe, I believe it has been chiefly in the head, about things that have neither life nor death depending upon them; yet I found some of them very perplexing, and very painful; for I was ready to conclude, that I was stripped of all the comforts of hope; but I find this was not the case, for I have found fome of them springing up

in my heart fince, and they serve as a stay to my foul ftill to wait for more. You observe in your last that you believed you had the aid and affiftance of the Holy Spirit to write the letter; and I believe the fame thing, for there never was any thing more fuitable and applicable to my case, fo much in feafon for the complaint that was to come; and was enabled to make use of it to my advantage, for the fuggeftion was ftrong that I fhould fall: but I faid, how is it poffible that that can be? can God deceive his faithful fervant whom he hath employed in the work and labour of love? and me too, a poor helpless creature, who he knows loves him, and seeks him with all

his heart? And in this way I now and then got a little relief. Bless the gracious Saviour, I have a comfortable perfuafion that he will hold me up to the end, though I much fear the pains of dying will be sharp, as I am fuch a coward at fuffering; and now in many fits, through the shortnefs of my breath, I almost faint in the conflict. I hope my dear friend will not cease affifting me in this laft ftrait, whenever it may come. 0 how I long for his coming! And can such a poor creature as myself, who hath waded through fo much darkness, and have been so obftinate and perverse too, fhall fuch be favoured at the laft with a view of that Juft One, and hear the words of his mouth. Eternal praises must refound in heaven for this. Yet, unworthy as I am, I can but hope for it; but I think that the enemy yet has fome links of his chain to run, for I believe I have had the sharpeft conflicts with him this laft week of any in my life. I am partly perfuaded that fome of them were purely devilifm, for fo far was I from having any hand in them, that I detefted them most abominably, and obliged to cry to God, faying, It is not I, It is not I. I have found fince, that these were the expreffions of old John Bunyan; but I have never seen them in his, or in any other writing; they were forced out of my mouth in the conflict I mentioned. And if I had seen them, I do not fee why I fhould not make use of them to ferve myself

when I ftood in need of them, as I have often done with many of your fayings. I muft ftill mention to my friend the rifings of anger and rage that I often feel ftirring up within; yet, bleffed be God, 1 do feel that they are not quite fo ftrong, nor laft fo long as heretofore; I do enjoy some sweet moments of calm and quietnefs; and though often but short, yet none can tell how precious I feel these when I find my mouth fome what enlarged to pour out a few bleffings on the head of him who deferves ten thousand times more than I can give.

J. J.

P. S. It was once told him, that it had been whispered about that he was in despair: " No, no," said he, "I was not in despair; I funk very low, it's true, but was never without hope at the worst of times."