ordinate ambition.

It had interfered with my religion, and must be sacrificed. It was a dear sacrifice, but I took my resolution, and it was performed. The consequence, I supposed would be, that I should fall from my standing as a scholar, and graduate with less reputation than I had coveted. This was a mortifying anticipation; but better risk my scholarship than my religion, thought I, and I summoned firmness to brave the result. This result was quite other than I expected. In proportion as I became indifferent to my reputation, for mere reputation's sake, I found myself able to study and recite with greater ease and self-possession, Formerly my extreme anxiety to do well, and my morbid dread of doing ill, had occasioned an irritability and hurry of spirits, which often threw me off my self-command, and produced the very evils I sought to avoid. But now, having little desire except to do my duty, I was cool, collected, and preserved the full command of my powers. So that, to my surprise, I acquitted myself better than formerly, and rose in my class, rather than fell. A certain portion of every day

was sacredly devoted to religious exercises and studies; and the time thus subtracted from classical pursuits, was more than compensated by the steadiness of mind and equanimity of feeling which it produced.

Here then was the first reward of my renewed fidelity. I was permitted to experience, then, as I have always done since, that our religion has the promise of the life which now is, as well as of that which is to come. How many deceive themselves and are miserable from not knowing this! They sell themselves to the world, and take the world's wages; which at the moment of death they are compelled to resign, and then have nothing which they can carry hence. Whereas, in the service of God, they might have no less enjoyed what earth affords, besides all the present and future satisfactions of the soul, which are far richer and purer. There is no state of the mind so happy in itself, and at the same time so fitted for success in the duties of the world, and for contentment amid its difficulties, as the tranquil and composed frame of habitual devotion.

From this time my resolution was taken

་

66

to devote myself to the ministry. There had always been a prevailing desire in my mind to engage in this office; but sometimes my distrust of myself, and sometimes my occupation in other studies, had prevented me from making an absolute decision. But my late experience had so wrought upon me, that I could think of no other occupation consistent with duty. I suspected it to be my father's wish, though he had never intimated it to me. When I named to him my determination, he expressed his hearty approbation. This," said he, "is what I have looked forward to with earnest hope. It has been from your childhood my constant wish and prayer that I might see you join with me in the great work of the gospel. I rejoice that the day has come, and that without one doubt or fear, I may encourage you to go on, and bid you God speed. Your faith and perseverance have already been tested. You know what trial is, and will be able, from the wisdom of personalexperience, to help others who are tried. Enter the work and prosper. You will still meet with trials, severe and heavy; but He,

in whose strength you have hitherto been safe, will always provide a way of escape if you but seek it."

I would that I had room to record all the instruction which he imparted on this and on other occasions, with the affectionate piety of a christian minister, and the overflowing tenderness of a parent. I would that I had been more sensible, at the time, of their value, and how much it was enhanced by the fact, that I was not long to enjoy his intercourse. But for two precious years I did enjoy it. I was employed as teacher of the school in my native village, and lived and studied in the house of my birth. I was my parent's companion at home, and in his visits abroad. I read with him the most important books, in my preparatory studies, and we conversed familiarly on all topics of theology and morals. Happy and profitable were those days! when I was permitted to cheer the declining path of him who gave me birth, at the same time that I was drawing from him treasures of ministerial experience to guide me after he should be departed!

CHAPTER IX.

The entrance on the ministry is a period of anxiety and excitement of spirit which no one can look back upon, even after the lapse of years, without a throb of emotion. To a conscientious man, who feels the weight and responsibility of the office, the exercises of that season are deep and trying. About to appear as the messenger of God's word .to the souls of men,-to be the herald of eternal truths,-to be a fellow labourer with Christ in the work of human salvation, and the bearer of the prayers and the intercessions of men to the mercy seat of heaven; his spirit is oppressed, and trembling, and ready to faint-for how can he discharge so various and awful vocations? But then, again, when he considers the incalculable importance of the work to which none other on earth is to be equalled; when he thinks of the honour of bearing part in it, the shame of drawing back, and the wide field for doing good -his spirits become animated, and he girds himself for the toil with alacrity and zeal.