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vidences; in many and wonderful preservations | continually with thee, and do thou vouchsafe to and deliverances ; in the conduct of his wisdom, hold me by my right hand: and guide me by and in a life of mercies! What love appears in thy counsel, and afterwards receive me unto thy his precious promises, and the glorious provisions glory.' he hath made for me with himself to all eternity! O my Lord, I am ashamed that thy love is so much lost; that it hath no better return from an unkind, unthankful heart; that I am no more delighted in thee, and swallowed up in the contemplation of thy love; I can contentedly let go the society and converse of all others, for the converse of some one bosom friend, that is dearer to me than they all, as Jonathan to David: can I not much more be satisfied in thee alone, and let go all, if I may continue with thee? My very dog will gladly forsake all the town, and all persons in the world, to follow me alone! Have I not yet found so much love and goodness in thee, my dear and blessed God, as to be willing to converse alone with thee? All men delight most in the company of those that love them best: they choose not to converse with the multitude when they look for solace and content, but with their dearest friends: should any be so near to me as God? O were not thy love unworthily neglected by an unthankful heart, I should never be so unsatisfied in thee, but should take up, or seek iny comforts in thee: I should then say, 'whom have I in heaven but thee, and there is none on earth that I desire besides thee.' Though not only my friends, but my flesh and heart themselves should fail me, it is thou that wilt still be the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever it is good therefore for me to draw near to thee, how far soever I am from man: O let me there dwell where thou wilt not be strange, for thy loving kindness is better than life instead of the multitude of my turmoiling thoughts, let me be taken up in the believing views of thy reconciled face, and in the glad attendance of thy grace: or at least in the multitude of my thoughts within me, let thy celestial comforts delight my soul. Let me dwell as in thy family; and when I awake, let me be still with thee! Let me go no where, but be still following thee: let me do nothing but thy work, nor serve any other, but when I may truly call it a serving thee: let me hear nothing but thy voice and let me know thy voice by whatever instrument thou shalt speak; let me never see any thing but thyself, and the glass that represents thee, and the books in which I may read thy name: let me never play with the outside, and gaze on words and letters as insignificant, and not observe thy name, which is the sense. Whether it be in company or in solitude, let me be

4. If God be with me I am not alone; for I shall be with him whose love is of greater benefit to me than the love of all my friends in the world. Their love may perhaps be some little comfort, as it flows from his : but it is his love by which, and upon which I live. It is his love that gives me life, time, health, food, and preservation; that gives me books, and gives me understanding: that gives me provision, and saves me from turning it to pernicious fleshliness and excess; that gives me even my friends themselves, and saves me from that abuse which might make them to me worse than enemies. The sun, the earth, the air is not so useful or needful to me as his love. The love of all my friends cannot make we well when I am sick: it cannot forgive the smallest of my sins; nor yet assure me of God's forgiveness: it cannot heal the maladies of my soul, nor give a solid lasting peace to the conscience which is troubled if all my friends stand about me when I am dying, they cannot take away the fears of death, nor secure my passage to everlasting life: death will be death still, and danger will be danger, when all my friends have done their best. But my almighty friend is all-sufficient: he can prevent my sickness, or rebuke and cure it, or make it so good to me, that I shall thank him for it: he can blot out my transgressions, and forgive all my sin; and justify me when the world and my conscience do condemn me: he can teach me to believe, to repent, to pray, to hope, to suffer, and to overcome: he can quiet my soul in the midst of trouble, and give me a wellgrounded, everlasting peace, and a joy that no man can take from me. He can deliver me from all the corruptions and distempers of my froward heart; and ease me and secure me in the troublesome war which is daily waged in my breast. He can make it as easy a thing to die, as to lie down and take my rest when I am weary, or to undress me at night and go to bed. He can teach death to lay by its terrible aspect, and speak with a mild and comfortable voice, and to me the most joyful tidings that ever came unto my ears; and to preach to me the last and sweetest sermon, even the same that our Saviour preached on the cross. 'Verily I say unto thee, To-day shalt thou be with Christ in paradise.' Is this the difference between the love of man and of God? Yet do I lament the loss of man! Yet am I so backward to converse with God,

Often have I come to man for help, ease, and comfort, and gone away as from an empty cistern, that had no water to cool my thirst; but God hath been a present help: could I but get near him, I was sure of light, how great soever was my former darkness; could I but get near him, I was sure of warming, quickening life, how dead soever I had been before: but all my misery was, that I could not get near him! My darkened estranged guilty soul, could not get quieting and satisfying acquaintance: my insensible heart lay dead on earth, and would not stir, or quickly fell down again, if by any celestial force it began to be drawn up, and move a little towards him: my carnal mind was entangled in diverting vanities: and thus I have been kept from communion with my God. Kept! not by force of human tyranny; not by bars or bolts,

and to be satisfied in his love alone! Ah my God, how justly mayest thou withhold that love which I thus undervalue; and refuse that converse which I have first refused? and turn me over to man, to silly, sinful man, whose converse I so much desire, till I have learned by dear experience the difference between man and God, and between an earthly and a heavenly friend! Alas, have I not tried it often enough, to have known it better before this day? Have 1 not often enough found what man is in a time of trial? Have I not been told it over and over, and told it to the quick, by deceitful friends, by self-seeking friends, by mutable, erroneous, deceived, scandalous, backsliding friends, by proud and self-conceited friends; by passionate, quarrelsome, vexatious friends; by self-grieving, troubled friends, that have but brought me all their calamities and griefs to be additions to my own; or distance of place, or by the lowness of my by tempting friends, that have drawn me to sin condition: nor by any misrepresentations or remore effectually than enemies; by tender, faith-proach of man; but, alas, by myself, by the ful, but unable friends, that have but brought darkness, deadness, sluggishness, earthliness, fire from my calamities and sorrows, to kindle fleshliness, and passions of a naughty heart. their own, not equally sharing, but each one These have been my bars, bolts, and jailors; taking all my trouble entirely to himself: that these are they that have kept me from my God: have been willing, but insufficient to relieve me; had it not been for these, I might have got nearer and therefore the greater was their love, the to him; I might have walked with him, and greater was their own, and consequently mine dwelt with him; yea, dwelt in him, and he in affliction that would have been with me, but me: and then I should not have missed any could not; that would willingly have eased my friends, nor felt mine enemies. Is it my sinpain, and strengthened my languishing body, ful distance from my God that hath been my but could not; that would gladly have removed loss, my wilderness, my woe; and is it a nearer all my troubles, and comforted my downcast admittance to the presence of his love that must mind, but could not. O how often have I found be my recovery and my joy, if ever I attain to chat human friendship is a sweet desired addi-joy? O then, my soul, lay hold on Christ the tion to our woe; a beloved calamity, and an reconciler, and in him and by him draw near to affliction which nature will not be without, not God, and cease from man, whose breath is in because it loves evil, nor because it is wholly de- his nostrils. Love God in his saints, and deceived in its choice, for there is good in friend-lightfully converse with Christ in them, while ship, and delight in holy love, but because the good which is here accompanied with so much evil, is the beginning of a more high and durable friendship, and points us up to the blessed, delightful society and converse which in the heavenly Jerusalem we shall have with Christ.

But O how much better have I found the friendship of the all-sufficient God! His love hath not only pitied me, but relieved me: he hath not only been as it were afflicted with me in my afflictions, but he hath delivered me seasonably and powerfully, and sweetly hath he delivered me: and when he had once told me that my afflictions were his own, I had no reason to doubt of a deliverance. My burdened mind hath been eased by his love, which was but more burdened by the fruitless love of all my friends.

thou hast opportunity. But remember thou livest not upon them, or on their love, but upon God; and therefore desire their company but for his: and if thou hast his, be content if thou hast not theirs. He wants not man, that enjoys God. Gather up all the love, thoughts, and desires which have been scattered and lost upon the creatures, and set them all on God himself, and press into his presence, and converse with him, and thou shalt find the mistake of thy present discontents, and sweet experience shall tell thee thou hast made a happy change

5. If God be with me, I am not alone, because he is with me with whom my greatest business lies and what company should I desire, but theirs with whom I have my daily, necessary work to do? I have more to do with

God, than with all the world: yea, more and greater business with him in one day, than with all the world in all my life. I have business with man about houses, lands, or food, or raiment, or labour, or journeying, or recreations, about society and public peace: but what are these to my business with God? Indeed with holy men, I have holy business; but that is but as they are messengers from God, and come to me on his business, and so they must be dearly welcome. But even then my business is much more with God than with them; with him that sent them, than with the messengers. Indeed my business with God is so great, that if I had not a mediator to encourage and assist me, to do my work and procure me acceptance, the thoughts of it would overwhelm my soul.

O therefore my soul, let man stand by: it is the eternal God that I have to do with ; and with whom I am to transact in this little time the business of my endless life. I have to deal with God through Christ, for the pardon of my sins, of all my great and grievous sins; and wo to me, if I speed not, that ever I was born: I have some hopes of pardon, but intermixed with many perplexing fears: I have evidences much blotted, and not easily understood: I want assurance that he is indeed my Father and reconciled to me, and will receive me to himself when the world forsakes me I have many languishing graces to be strengthened; and alas, what obstinate, vexatious corruptions to be cured! Can I look into my heart, into such an unbelieving, dead and earthly heart, into such a proud, peevish and disordered heart, into such a trembling, perplexed, self-accusing heart, and yet not understand how great my business is with God? Can I peruse my sins, or feel my wants, and sink under my weaknesses, and yet not discern how great my business is with God? Can I look back upon all the time that I have lost, and all the grace that I unthankfully resisted, and all the mercies that I trod under foot, or fooled away, or can I look before me and see how near my time is to an end, and yet not understand how great my business is with God? Can I think of the malice and diligence of satan, the number, power and subtilty of mine enemies, the many snares and dangers that are still before me, the strength and number of temptations, and my ignorance, unwatchfulness and weakness to resist, and yet not know that my greatest business is with God? Can I feel my afflictions and lament them, and think my burden greater than I can bear, and find that man cannot relieve me: can I go mourning in the heaviness of my soul,

and water my bed with tears, and fill the air with my groans and lamentations, or feel my soul overwhelmed within me, so that my words are intercepted, and I am readier to break than speak, and yet not perceive that my greatest business is with God? Can I think of dying;

can I draw near to judgment; can I think of everlasting joys in heaven; and of everlasting pains in hell, and yet not feel that my greatest business is with God?

O then, my soul, the case is easily resolved with whom it is that thou must most desirously and seriously converse. Where should thou be but where thy business is, and so great business? Alas, what have I to do with man? What can it do but make my head ache, to hear a deal of senseless chat, about preferments, lands, and dignities; about the words and thoughts of men, and a thousand toys that are utterly impertinent to my great employments, and signify nothing but that the dreaming world is not awake? What pleasure is it to see the bustles of a bedlam world? What a stir they make to prove or make them. selves unhappy? How long and of how little weight, are the learned discourses about syllables and words, names and notions, mood and figure, yea, or about the highest planets, when all are not referred unto God? Were it not that some converse with men doth further my converse with God; and that God did transact much of his business by his messengers and servants, it were no matter whether ever I more saw the face of man: were it not that my Master hath placed me in society, and appointed me much of my work for others, and with others, and much of his mercy is conveyed by others, man might stand by, and solitude were better than the best society, and God alone should take me up. 0 nothing is so much my misery and shame, as that I am no more willing, nor better skilled in the management of my great, important business! That my work is with God, and my heart is no more with him! O what might I do in holy meditation, or prayer, one hour, if I were as ready for prayer, and as good at prayer, as one that has had so long opportunity and so great necessity to converse with God, should be! A prayerless heart, a heart that flies away from God, is most inexcusable in such a one as I, that have so much important business with him : it is work that must be done; and if well done, will never be repented of: I use not to return from the presence of God, when indeed I have drawn near him, as I do from the company of empty men, repenting that I have lost my time, and trembling that my mind is discomposed or de

to be known, when I know the most. I am never satiated with the easiness of knowing, nor are my desires abated by any uneasiness or unworthiness in the object: but I am drawn to it by its highest excellencies, and drawn on to desire more and more by the infinitude of the light which I have not yet beheld, and the infinitude of the good which yet I have not enjoyed. If I be idle, or seem to want employment, when I am to contemplate all the attributes, relations, mercies, works, and revealed perfections of the Lord, it is surely for want of eyes to see, or a heart in

employ my soul, then all the persons and things on earth are not enough.

pressed by the vanity and earthly savour of their discourse I often repent that I have prayed to him so coldly, and conversed with him so negligently, and served him so remissly: but I never repent of the time, the care, the affections or the diligence employed in his holy work. Many a time I have repented that ever I spent so much time with man, and wished I had never seen the faces of some that are eminent in the world, whose favour and converse others are ambitious of: but it is my grief and shame that so small a part of all my life hath been spent with God; and that fervent prayer and heavenly contempla-clined to my business: if God be not enough to tions, have been so seldom and so short. O that I had lived more with God, though I had been less with the dearest of my friends! How much When I have infinite goodness to delight in, more sweet then would my life have been! How where my soul may freely let out itself, and much more blameless, regular and pure! How never need to fear excess of love, how sweet much more fruitful, and answerable to my obli- should this employment be? As knowledge, so gations and professions! How much more com- love is never stinted here, by the narrowness of fortable to my review! How many falls, hurts, the object: we can never love him in any prowounds, griefs, and groans might I have escaped! portion either to his goodness and amiableness in O how much more pleasing is it now to my re- | himself, or to his love to us. What need have membrance, to think of the hours in which II then of any other company or business, when have lain at the feet of God, though it were in I have infinite goodness to delight in, and to tears and groans, than to think of the time which love, further than they subserve this greatest I have spent in any common converse with the work? greatest, or the most learned, or the dearest of my acquaintance.

As my greatest business is with God, so my daily business is also with him he purposely leaves me under wants, and suffers necessities daily to return, and enemies to assault me, and affliction to surprise me, that I may be daily driven to him he loves to hear from me: he would have me be no stranger with him: I have business with him every hour, I need not want employment for all the faculties of my soul, if I know what it is to converse in heaven. Even prayer, and every holy thought of God, hath an object so great and excellent, as should wholly take me up. Nothing must be thought or spoken lightly about the Lord. His name must not be taken in vain: nothing that is common beseems his worshippers. He will be sanctified of all that shall draw near him: he must be loved with all the heart and might. His servants need not be wearied for want of employment, nor through the lightness or unprofitableness of their employment: if I had cities to build, or kingdoms to govern, I might better complain for want of employment, for the faculties of my soul, than I can when I am to converse in hea

ven.

In other studies the delight abates when I have reached my desire, and know all that I can know but in God there is infinitely more

Come home then, O my soul, to God; converse in heaven: turn away thine eyes from beholding vanity: let not thy affections kindle upon straw or briars, that go out when they have made a flash or noise, and leave thee to thy cold and darkness: but come and dwell upon celestial beauties, and make it thy daily and most diligent work, to kindle thy affections on the infinite, everlasting good; and then they will never be extinguished or decay for want of fuel; but the further they go, and the longer they burn, the greater will be the flame. Though thou find it hard while love is but a spark to make it burn, and complain that thy cold and backward heart is hardly warmed with the love of God, yet when the whole pile hath taken fire, and the flame ascends, fire will breed fire, love will cause love; and all the malice of hell itself shall never be able to suppress or quench it unto all eternity.

6. It is a great encouragement to my converse with God, that no misunderstanding, no malice of enemies, no former sin or present frailty, no, nor the infinite distance of the most holy God, can hinder my access to him, or turn away his ear or love, or interrupt my leave and liberty of converse. If I converse with the poor, their wants afflict me, being greater than I can supply; their complaints and expectations, which I

cannot satisfy, are my trouble. If I would con- | gotten the vanity and villany of my youth ; yea, verse with great ones, it is not easy to get access: so easily have forgotten my most aggravated and less easy to have their favour, unless I would sins. When I had sinned against light; when I purchase it at too dear a rate: how strangely and had resisted conscience; when I had frequently contemptuously do they look at their inferiors! and wilfully injured love, I thought he would Great friends must be made for a word or smile: never have forgotten it: but the greatness of his if you be not quickly gone, they are weary of love and mercy, and the blood and intercession you; if you seek any thing of them, or would of his Son, hath cancelled all. put them to any cost or trouble, you are as welcome to them as so many noisome creatures. They please them best that drive you away. With how much labour and difficulty must you climb, if you will see the top of one of these mountains? When you are there, you are but in a place of barrenness; and have nothing to satisfy you for your pains, but a larger prospect and dizzy view of the lower grounds which are not your own: it is seldom that these great ones are to be spoken with: perhaps their speech is but a denial to your request, if not some snappish and contemptuous rejection, that makes you glad when you are got far enough from them, and makes you better love the accessible, calm, and fruitful plains.

O how many mercies have I tasted since I thought I had sinned away all mercies! How patiently hath he borne with me, since I thought he would never have put up more! Yet besides my sins and the withdrawings of my own heart, there hath been nothing to interrupt our converse. Though he be God, and I a worm, yet that would not have kept me out though he be in heaven, yet he is near to succour me on earth, in all that I call upon him for though he have the praise of angels, he disdains not my tears and groans: though he have the perfect love of perfect souls, he knows the little spark in my breast, and despises not my weak and languid love: though I injure and dishonour him by loving him no more, though I often forget him, and But O how much greater encouragements hath have been out of the way when he hath come or my soul to converse with God! Company never called me, though I have disobediently turned hinders him from hearkening to my suit: he is away mine ears, and unkindly refused the enterinfinite and omnipotent, and is sufficient for tainments of his love, and unfaithfully dealt every individual soul, as if he had no other to with those whose company he forbade me, he hath look after in the world: when he is taken up not divorced me, nor turned me out of doors. O with the attendance and praises of his heavenly wonderful; that heaven will be familiar with host, he is as free and ready to attend and an- earth and God with man; the highest with a swer the groans and prayers of a contrite soul, worm: and the most holy with an unconstant as if he had no nobler creatures, and no higher sinner! Man refuses me, when God will enterservice to regard. I am often unready, but God is tain me: man, that is no wiser nor better than never unready : I am unready to pray, but he myself. Those that I never wronged, or deseris not unready to hear: I am unready to come ved ill of, reject me with reproach : God, whom to God, to walk with him, and to solace my soul | I have unspeakably injured, doth invite me, and with him; but he is never unready to entertain | intreat me, and condescends to me, as if he were me. Many a time my conscience would have beholden to me to be saved: men, that I have driven me away, when he hath called me to him, deserved well of, do abhor me : God, that I have and rebuked my accusing, fearful conscience. deserved ill of, doth accept me. The best of Many a time I have called myself a prodigal, a them are briars, and a thorny hedge, and he is companion of fools, a miserable, hard hearted | love, rest, and joy yet I can be more welcome sinner, unworthy to be called his son, when he to him, though I have offended him, than I can nath called me child, and chid me for my ques- to them whom I have obliged: I have freer tioning his love. He hath readily forgiven the leave to cast myself into my Father's arms, than sins which I thought would have made my soul to tumble into those briars, or wallow in the mire. the fuel of hell he hath entertained me with I upbraid myself with my sins, but he doth not joy, with music and a feast, when I better de- upbraid me with them. I condemn myself for served to have been among the dogs without his them, but he condemns me not: he forgives me doors. He hath embraced me in his sustaining, sooner than I can forgive myself: I have peace consolatory arms, when he might have spurned with him, before I can have peace of conscience. my guilty soul to hell, and said, 'depart from O therefore, my soul, draw near to him that is me, thou worker of iniquity, I know thee not. | so willing of thy company ! That frowns thee not O little did I think that he could ever have for- away, unless it be when thou hast fallen into the

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