fort of painful pleasure) fprings from the diversity of the object that produces it; and therefore the reason, why a man can't tickle himself, is, because there is too great an analogy between the several parts of the fame body.

Q. Two Gentlemen fitting in a tavern, after fome converfation being filent, plainly heard, and with great aftonishment, a flint glass crack, and looking upon the glass, they perceiv'd a mark, as if it had been ftruck against some hard body, and the found was like that of a small bell.

A. This is an accident, or rather misfortune commonly attending all thofe that deal in glafs, and feems to be a violent eruption of fome fiery particles, caufsed by the ftruggling or oppofition of the contrary qualities, viz. heat and cold, the glafs being probably new and exposed to air and ufe, before it was throughly cooled or feasoned.

Q. Gentlemen, why is it a greater difgrace for a wo man to bear a baftard, than for a man to get one? A. Because modefty, which is a guard to chastity, is the peculiar ornament of the female fex.

Q Apollo, your opinion is defired, whether a dishonest man is wronged by being called honeft man; fince it is not calling him right, ergo wrong?

A. It is wrong to call him fo; but you wrong not the man, but your judgment in mifcalling him.

Q. Why do our citizens go into the country in fummer time, and return in the winter, when all the doctors agree that the city air is good in the fummer, and bad in the winter?

A. If the phyficians allow the city air to be good in the fummer, they allow the country air to be better in the fame season: and if they hold the city air bad in the winter, 'tis prefum'd they hold the country air worse at the fame time, which is reafon fufficient for their removal.

Q. Pray what reafon can you affign for the extraordinary fcent in foxes, and in what diffemper is this nauseous fmell most beneficial?

A. Their ftrong fcent, we prefume, arifes from

certain

certain fetid and fulphureous effluvia breathing out from the blood through the pores, and if it be beneficial in any diftemper, we are of opinion, it is in hyfterical cafes.

Q. Apollo, let me know what good

It does a cow to chew the cud.

4. The mouth prepares it for the chyle,
As in the ftomach 'twere a while.

Q. At foot of high Parnaffus hill,
As learned poets tell,

There was (it may be found there ftill),
Of water clear a well:

Hither

your . wou'd-be-wits repair

Like you, or me, to drink:
The number's great, so ev'ry where
They crowd upon the brink:
Having obtain'd, each puts his share
In vessel, which hard name doth bare ;
Cranium 'tis call'd, I think.
Te heirs apparent of the ground,
That do this pretty fpring furround,
By which your brains are quicker,
Can it be just, that we call dull
The man who has the thickest skull,
Since that might beft hold liquor?
4. Parnaffus top, fo highly fam'd
By bards, in days of yore,
For Helicon, a ftream fo nam'd,
Is valued now no more;
Thither the would-be-wits of old,
Like you, did all repair;

But now they boaft a furer hold,
And feldom travel there:
For those whofe craniums filling want,
Know that our Phœbus has to grant,
And beg from him a share.

You then, who want it, fhall be fure
A double measure to procure,
And make your brains much quicker,

You'll

You'll then diftinguish that a skull,
The thicker 'tis, is ftill more dull,
As thick skulls hold leaft liquor.

Q. Ye gods of wit, give your advice in love,
A youth by Stealth did my affections move,
And from my tongue a promife did obtain,
For my whole life my fovereign he should reign:
But at my friend's advice against the youth,
And his have not great liking to't in truth;
His temper as much differs from my own,
As Eaft from Weft, or the two different zones:
He claims me by my promife as his due,
Advife, kind gods, Diana what to do.

DIANA.

A. If by your friends your parents here are meant, Their pow'r can difanull your rash confent; If not, the promise holds; what ills enfue, Are juftly to your matchlefs folly due, Who could be conquer'd by a temper known So oppofite and counter to your own. Q. I love the most whimsical, fanciful creature That ever in fport was created by nature; Lefs ftaid than the wind,

Ne'er twice of one mind;
In April the weather

Holds longer together;

Whenever I think to accoft her,

Altho' I prepare

For every air,

She's got on her flight,

And fled cut of fight,

That e'er I addrefs I've loft her.

She'll rant and flant,

And flounce and bounce,
Then laugh aloud like mad:
Then figh, and cry,
And pine, and whine,
With vifage wondrous fadi
She tells me in vain
My hopes are to gain.

Afmile, 'till with eafe

Each humour I please,

Which the devil can never difcover.

Her fetters I'd break,
Which make my heart ake;
But that, alas! long

I've found them too ftrong
To be broke by her bigotted lover:

If methods for conqueft by you can be told,

I'll wear you've more wit than your father of old?
4. Obferve as a maxim, there ne'er was a heart
That could not be conquer'd by nature or art ; §.
And you have a task,
Small cunning will ask,
Her whimfies all fhow
The way you must go,
And how to engage her affection;
With fubtilty act

Each part moft exact,

(No matter how vain)`

Their ends they will gain,

And her folly will be your protection:

Then brave, and rave,

would laugh,

And fwear, and stare,
Hoot out when you
Then growl, and howl,
And drivel, and fnivel,
And bleat like any calf;
Obferve well her phiz
Which prognoftick is,
And always prepares
The following airs,

And e'er fhe is in 'em, ftrike up:

Thus anticipate,

You will tire her out ftrait,

And make her to yield

For quiet the field,

And all her refolves interrupt;

For when you've outdone her, and run thro' much fafter

The whims fhe affects, the will own you her master.

To

To a certain person who always carries news to one Gentleman or other to procure a good dinner; being an imita tion of Martial lib. 9. Epig. 36. Ad Philomufum.

B

Y this thine art thou doft thy dinners gain,

Thou tell'ft much news, but doft advices feign, Each private act of foreign states you fee, Both Swedes and Mufcovites confult with thee: Nor can the Gallick tyrant edicts frame, But thou art privy to confign the same: Imperial Diets cannot fhun thy ken,

Nor Marlbro' march without thee, nor Eugene.
Thou know'ft who crowns fhall lofe, who fcepters
bear;

Thou'rt fighting, fpeaking, acting ev'ry where:
Come, leave thefe follies thou haft us'd fo long;
I'll treat thee ev'ry day to hold thy tongue.

Q. Pray, Gentlemen, how was the Godhead employ'd when the manhood was- -or was he not God and man till he was properly man, I mean to years. Senfelefs cant! I think your history of his Nonage (if God) is no lefs ridiculous than the Romish miracles then faid to be performed by him. We own our great prophet was to be exalted from an humble state; but that the most high God could be contain'd in narrow humanity is what we dare not think of without fear of the displeasure of a jealous Almighty; and must believe Apollo worse than (what he is reputed) a heathen, if he believes that.

4. Since the other part of your letter is capable of a diftinct confideration; that we might not be too long upon a question, we have referv'd the reft to an other paper. We need not beg pardon for fupplying fome of your letter with a dafh, fince it was unfit to appear in publick print, and void of the good manners, that become a difputant. One would think that common modefty should have oblig'd you to more regard for Chrift as man, than to make use of fo ludicrous a fimilitude, tho' it be in confutation of an opinion which you think erroneous. But tho' you would feem wonderfully fearful of offending a jealous

God