then would seek my soul's Salvation. I thought such a delay was dangerous, but thought my comfort almost to an end. To be a christian was a gloomy thought. While at this place, I listened one day to the experience of a Godly woman, which made some serious impressions on my mind, but I shook it off as soon as possible, for my time was short for enjoyment; my promise was before me constantly, so much so, it destroyed my anticipated pleasure. My probation had expired, and I left for a mor retired place, but was still the same. I was disappointed to find in myself no desire to turn and live. At length I concluded to give it up, as it was too great an undertaking for me. I felt very easy and composed, more so than for months, yet I still thought it strange to feel such an indifference on this subject, but went on in this way a few days. O! what reason I have to praise my God that he did not leave me to myself. In a few days from this time being alone in the house, and busy at my work, suddenly, in my imagination, I saw the yawning pit open before me. I was struck with horror, and dare not move for fear of falling into that dreadful place. While thus gazing it was made plain that I had rejected the offer of mercy. O, what shall I do! was my cry. I moved my work, and in an instant the terrific scene disappeared. Again I said what shall I do? I had no sooner made the enquiry. than I was directed to read the Bible. I made no delay, but took it from the shelf, opened its pages, and the first words my eyes rested on; were these: "Hell and Destruction are never full, so the eyes of man are never satisfied." I then realized my dangerous condition, and strove hard to shut my eyes from every enjoyment. I had never tried to pray, only to say the Lord's Prayer, taught me by my mother in my childhood. I was in constant fear for the vision had made a deep impression on my mind. If any one came in, it was with the greatest difficulty I could hold social converse with them.

In the lapse of a few weeks those solemn feelings wore off in some measure, so I ventured to leave my childish prayers. One day as I was about to leave on business, in the act of getting on the horse, I felt heavily laden in consequence of sin, and said, I feared the horse could not carry me. On being asked why? I replied I cannot tell why, only because I am so wicked. After the lapse of a few years, this woman became pious, and in her relation to the Church made mention of this same circumstance,

and thought if I was so wicked, what would become of her? One day I was accosted by a young man with whom I was acquainted, calling me Miss Christian; as he had heard that I had become pious. I told him it was not so, but sincerely wished it was the case; he did not expect such an answer and passed on. It appeared, as though I had accomplished much with my reply. Though vain and rude, yet I never saw the time I could sport or trifle with serious things.

I had less desire to associate with my young companions and that gave me courage. And the desire for holiness became more frequent and that I should yet be a Christian, I was led to hope, for these desires came more frequently, and continued longer, which led me to think that God did take notice of me, and to his praise led me in the way I knew not.

"Not of ourselves, but the gift of God."

I met with a book entitled, "Grace abounding to the Chief of Sinners, Or come in welcome to Jesus Christ," written by John Bunyan. It was a treasure indeed to me, as it pointed out my condition as nothing else had done. I carried it with me and read it over and over, for nothing gave to me so much instruction. I had some reason to think I was coming to Christ or at least trying to come, and felt some animation of heart, but my greatest fears were that I should not come aright. I was now about sixteen years of age, and the world was losing its pleasant look. I had no comfort in the world, nor in religion.

I attended a funeral one day, and the text on the occasion was, "I heard a voice from heaven saying unto me, write, blessed are the dead who die in the Lord from hence forth." The text arrested my attention and needed no improvement for me, for if the labors of the righteous followed them, where would my end be? After returning home I felt still more solemn. In the evening I sat reading my Bible, when a young man (a neighbor) came in. I would have been glad had the bible been laid aside before he came, but was obliged to make the best of it, and laying it upon the stand, commenced conversation, when he rather jocosely, asked if I could find the text? I turned to it and read it, but while doing so I burst into a flood of tears. This betrayed me and I knew not what to do, but I left the room to hide the emotion of my heart and give vent to my feelings; for I perceived that weeping relieved me. I felt some mortification to think

that I could not command my feelings any better. The next day I had occasion to go to the house of this neighbor, and some of the inmates commenced laughing, for what had occurred on last evening. The report was, that I was under concern of mind, but they thought it was feigned. I was perfectly speechless for some time, and then replied that I was sorry any one should form such an opinion of me, as it was untrue, that if it were so, that if I were under concern of mind I should be glad; I went home with a heavy heart: oh thought I-I am undone, what shall I do? To trifle with such serious thoughts I dare not. No hope nor enjoyment in anything. Soon after this I thought I would go to a school exhibition. I could not see much harm in that, and should meet with my young friends, and then, what if they had heard the report of my being serious? that would destroy my happiness. However, I was resolved to go; but had not proceeded far, when I suddenly stopped, and thought to proceed no farther. I retraced my steps a little. There the tempter took the advantage of me-my proud heart too came in contact with the teachings of the good spirit, the struggle between the flesh and spirit became weaker, and the flesh prevailed, and on I went. I did not enjoy myself as I expected.

As Spring advanced, instead of feeling gay and cheerful as formerly at that season of the year, I became more dejected. This passage of Scripture came to mind and gave me some encouragement: "Come unto me all ye that are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest."

I still read my little book, and pressed it to my bosom, and said there was no comfort in anything but religion. I read the Bible, its threatenings were against me, and the promises were none of mine, because I knew not how to come to Christ.

My heart burns within me as I record the dealings of God with me, while in a state of ignorance, and far from Him. How kindly, how gently, does he lead us on! And alas, how little one can know, unless he touches us by his holy spirit! It matters not how much of merely human knowledge we possess, we must work out our own Salvation with fear and trembling, knowing that "God worketh in us both to will and to do, of his own good pleasure." May gratitude flow from our hearts for his long sparing mercies, and that he has not cut us off in our sins.

In the month of May the same year, two men from abroad sent

in an appointment to hold a meeting: they were exhorters, accordingly our Minister (Elder Gillett) gave the notice, and my heart leaped for joy, and from that moment I could scarcely think of anything else. After the lapse of four days the evening of the meeting came, although the precious time had passed so slowly, and I was on my way thither. Sometimes I would find myself on the run and then slackening my pace, however, I found it extremely difficult for my body to keep up with my mind.

Elder G. preached a short discourse, and gave liberty for improvement; when one after another of those before alluded to, arose and spoke with power in the Holy Ghost. Every word went to my heart like an arrow. They sung praises to God in the spirit as he directs, and as they sung these Lines, it seemed as though my very heart would burst:

"Come and taste along with me,
Consolation running free,

From my Father's wealthy throne,
Sweeter than the honey comb."
Goodness running like a stream,
Through the New Jerusalem,
By its constant breaking forth,
Sweetens Earth and Heaven both."

"Heaven here and Heaven there,
Comforts flowing everywhere.
This I boldly can attest

That my soul has got a taste.

They appeared to be happy in their Master's service. Were I in possession of all the world I would freely exchange it for the enjoyment they appeared to possess. I then came to a much stronger resolution than ever before; so thoroughly convinced was I that there was a reality in religion, that I intended to seek for it as long as I lived. In this condition I began to weep, and wept so loud that some of the old ladies came to me to know the cause of my grief. I could not utter one word nor suppress my feelings; tears were my only relief, for my heart was too hard to break as I then supposed.

Thanks be to God, for the strong resolution I was enabled to make that night. I trusted that my conviction would never leave me. On retiring to rest, I fell upon my knees to implore mercy

of Him, whom I had slighted, and asked that my life might be spared until I had sought and found mercy at his hands. A night long to be remembered, I imagined I saw the finger of scorn pointed at me, as if I had began a great work, and should not be able to perform, strove hard to overcome such tempíations, then would think what I had read in my little book. "Come in welcome, &c." I began to feel more alarm that I should miss my way and not come aright, for I was still ignorant of the way. The next morning I felt more strengthened and my tears still flowed freely, I strove hard to prevent discovery, for though I had resolved to seek religion, yet I was ashamed to be found weeping. I would often wash to prevent any notice being taken of me, I sought an opportunity to be alone that I might give vent to my tears. I retired a little from the house when I thought my head was water, and my eyes a fountain of tears; the excitement was so high I feared that I should alarm the family. I strove so hard to suppress my tears that the blood ran freely from my nose. I became more calm and relieved. This was the first time I had any realizing sense of Christ having shed his precious blood for sinners like myself. I viewed him on the cross in the agonies of death for me. My heart went out in love towards Him in return for what he had done, and thought I could let all the blood flow from my veins if that would make amends. I returned into the house but sought to keep out of sight as much as possible.

The next Sabbath I went to meeting, and thought minister and people all felt solemn as myself, and learned that two men were struck under conviction at the previous evening meeting. If a natural heart could rejoice at the appearance of good, mine did. Meetings were given out for the week and I returned home, glad to bear that others were going from the City of Destruction. Now thought I the way will be made easy, and I shall soon be a Christian; but I soon found lions in the way.

Soon after this, the Minister came to see me, and made sundry inquiries. I told him that I thought myself a great sinner. He asked if I thought my sins were so great that Christ would, or could not have mercy on me? I replied I had no doubt that He could and would, if I really came aright. I knew not the way; and this was my greatest trouble. He gave good advice, but could not show me the way and left. I set myself to keeping