THANKSGIVING FOR ILLNESS

I.

THANKSGIVING FOR ILLNESS.

May 26, 1918.

I have been very ill since morning with a high fever and have been suffering a great deal of pain. The warder in charge has been very kind, and could not have done more for me had I been his own child. This is the first time in my life that I have ever had an illness of this kind.

May 27.

I have been taken with fever and chills, and am a good deal worse today. Miss Macdonald came purposely to see me, but unfortunately at that very time my temperature was so high that I was unable to receive her visit, although I greatly desired to hear her gracious teaching. It was probably my lack of faith that made it impossible to overcome my illness, so that I was deprived of seeing Miss Macdonald. It was no doubt God's reproof to me, and I must learn to fear and honour Him more. This illness has brought me much nearer God, and I am very grateful.

May 28.

II.

THE KINDNESS OF A JAILOR.

This morning early, while I was still in bed, a warder by the name of Wakana, who had charge of me for nearly two years, but whose work is now elsewhere, came to inquire for me. He has always been very kind to me, and today he came purposely to see me because he heard I was ill. In the afternoon the vice-governor opened my cell door and very kindly inquired for me.

During the night I was in such pain that I did not sleep a wink. I kept my eyes closed but my heart was not asleep, and I knew everything that was going on. About two o'clock in the morning, the night-warder, Kajiwara by name, thrust his hand through the hole in the door and quietly felt my head to see if I was still feverish. Without wakening me, as he thought, he was trying to find out if my fever was abating. I was very much touched by his thoughtfulness.

May 29.

The vice-governor came again and inquired for me with very kind words. Every day different officials visit me and the warder in charge comes time and again to attend to me. The principal keeper and a chief warder by the name of Wada, have also come to see me today, and the vice-governor looked in a second time. He has come three times in less than

THE KINDNESS OF A JAILOR

a week, and I take it that the governor's thoughtfulness also is expressed by these visits. I cannot say in words how much all this kindness touches me. The chief chaplain,* who was recently transferred from Kosuge prison to this place, comes from time to time to see me, although he knows that I am a believer in Christ. During my illness he has visited me twice, and has been very kind. I am most grateful, but I want to say here that no matter who comes and speaks kindly to me, I shall never believe in anyone but Christ.

All prison chaplains in Japan are Buddhist priests belonging to the Shin sect.

III.

MERCIES.

While I have been ill, I could not help wondering who would have come to see me had I been ill in the world outside. That anyone like myself, a criminal of the deepest dye, should be treated as kindly as I am, touches me so deeply that I cannot help weeping tears of gratitude. If this had been in ancient times, what would have become of me? Even with the same death penalty, I should have been cruelly exposed to the public gaze, and have been either beheaded or put to death by crucifixion, or in some other inhuman way. But I am thankful that now no show is made of an execution. This is one of the mercies that belong to the present age, for which I am profoundly grateful. Had I lived in days gone by, What would have been my end? How thankful I ought to be For the mercies of today! *

During my illness, my lawyer from Yokohama, Mr. Fujita by name, has come purposely to enquire for me. Before my Yokohama trial took place he visited me at the prison four different times and did everything for me without any fee. Even after the trial was over, he called on me twice, and since I have been back in Tokyo prison, he has come twice to see me here. As long as I live I shall remember this kindness. Yes, and after I die I shall not forget it.

* A short Japanese poem of thirty-three syllables composed by himself.

CONCERNING LAWYERS

IV.

CONCERNING LAWYERS.

June 2.

I am very happy today because my fever has practically gone, and I feel quite well. My very kind Tokyo lawyer, Mr. Suzuki, who had charge of my case when it went to the appeal court, was here today. He enquired very sympathetically about my illness, and I feel very grateful to him.

Out in the world I was not at all the sort of person who could have associated with a man like Mr. Suzuki; and I wept tears of gratitude to think he would come time after time to see me in prison and express his sympathy for me. He even sent food to me at various times, sometimes twice daily, and again three times a day during one period.

There are no doubt many kinds of lawyers in Tokyo, different in outward appearance, and also different in heart. Even with the same case in hand, different lawyers would, I suppose, act very differently. For example, the lawyer who had charge of my case in the first court did not come even once to the prison to see me, either before or during the trial. I suppose that is quite usual. A lawyer called by the court to defend a man receives practically nothing for his services; and when there is no money in it, he cannot be expected to take time to find out whether an innocent man is going to be hanged or not. It even costs something to come to prison to visit the accused. I suppose this is